i can't fucking do this.
i hate this so much.
i hate you, and what scares the fuck out of me is that i think i really mean that.
and i screamed it at your face today. and last night. i have never been that honest with you in my entire life. and i can't feel guilty because i want more than anything for you to understand. i want you to see so fucking badly. but all you did was leave. you told me to shut up. you think this is a fucking joke. i'm serious as hell. and right now more than ever, i need words. i need to be able to speak but all i can come up with are all these stupid little things that have been haunting me lately. and i hate you because i see the things i hate in you coming out in myself. i'm so fucking much like you. and jesus christ i hate that. i can't do this. i can barely even move. i didn't get out of bed till 2 today. i'm so fucked up with all this right now.
please don't comment on that.
i just really needed to write it out somewhere.
chances are i'll delete it later.