yo lo que quiero es un burrito...

despite nyc's status as a world capital, it is impossible to get a good burrito. (benny's makes me gag. don't even talk to me about chipotle.) and since many east coast types have never had the opportunity to see a good burrito in action, i want to take the opportunity to share one...

as pictured above, it's a work of modernist simplicity. portability is key. burritos that have to be eaten with a fork and knife aren't burritos, they're casseroles. this burrito can be eaten with one hand, leaving the other free to hold a beer, or, since this foto was taken in L.A., a steering wheel...

secondly, fillings are key. good burritos contain a base of beans accompanied by one other ingredient. eg: beans and cheese. beans and carne asada. beans and carnitas... you get the point. this means no lettuce, no tomatoes, no sour cream. it's not a fucking salad, it's a burrito. this also means that the beans need to be good: well-spiced and homemade. nothing, god forbid, out of a can.

third, the pico de gallo and the guacamole (optional) should be served on the side so that they don't get cooked when they are combined with the beans--and so that the eater can evenly distribute them throughout their burrito-eating experience.

finally, for the love of all that is sacred, a good burrito should NEVER have black beans (too soupy) or rice (wtf?). it's gotta be refried pinto beans all the way. it's the viscous quality of these beans that hold the tortilla together. anything else, and it's not a burrito...

now, if anyone in nyc would like to start making these, please let me know.