July 24, 2011.
This is not me
Sometimes things happen that we never expect to happen; people let us down when they aren't supposed to; opportunities are shattered when we tried so hard to reach out for them. One of the worst feelings in the world is disappointment, thinking that you were good enough for something, or someone, and finding out in the end that you weren't. Because disappointment is overwhelming. It's thick and strong and intense, and it engulfs you in darkness. It tastes like sick feelings of silent emptiness, bitter desperation, endless frustration.
It knocks you off your feet so abruptly and painfully that you need a while before you're able to climb up again. To face new challenges and keep moving on. But sometimes you remain on the ground because it seems so hard and hopeless to ever try again.
I know how it feels. That moment of expectations, days, weeks, months, of expectations, all smashed in a few seconds. All gone. Isn't it an awful thing, to happen to anyone?
I occasionally wish the world wasn't so unfair. That things will go to those who do deserve them, in the end. A loss, is not a loss if it goes to someone who has worked harder than you, someone who needs it more, someone who truly deserves it. Of course that is never the case, is it?
But it will be alright. If I'm, if you're not considered good enough for someone, why bother trying to fulfill their unreasonable expectations? Just because one person wasn't fair, doesn't mean the whole world isn't. There will be people who appreciate you. Someday.
July 24, 2011.