Scrunchy

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    1. J Mark Dodds a shadow of my future self (52 months ago | reply)

      Ok ok okokokokokok. If you must. A little story.

      So there I was, taking this picture of this that I saw lying on the pavement. It was right outside a pub that used to be called the Plough, which has been shut for months and is being refurbished - they've been working on it for ages.

      So that red thing, up there, that I have since been told is a scrunchy, is what I was looking at through the viewfinder when I heard this:

      "what the hell are you doing?" I ignored it.

      "You. What the hell are you doing". I pressed the shutter.

      "I said what the hell do you think you are doing?" I looked round and said: "taking a photograph"

      "I can see that, what the hell are you doing with a camera here, outside here? Stop it. What are you photographing with that?" He was eating a pasty by the way, and spitting bits of it all over the place.

      I said: I'm taking a picture of this lovely bright red thingt" - showing pic on camera to stupid idiot and gesturing to the red thing on pavement.

      "Fucking lovely bright red thing? What the fuck are you talking about? what the fuck are you taking a picture of that for? What is it?"

      "What is it?" I said. "I don't know" I said. "You can see what it is, it's a bit of rubbish on the pavement and I'm taking a picture of it because I think it looks nice, what's wrong with that?"

      "What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? What the hell are you taking photographs of? You're taking pictures of... of... - fucking children - aren't you? You better fuck off right now and stop taking photographs round here because I'm gonna box you if you stay around here doing that"

      I looked around very deliberately - no people - no one on the street - a guy in a van across the road - nothing else at all and look
      back at him and smile stupidly and say - "children? What do you mean children? Are you alright? I'm taking a picture of a bit of rubbish on the street, because I think it looks nice in this light. Taking pictures of children. I'm taking a picture of something someone's dropped on the pavement, it's rubbish"

      Voice from building site behind - "*name of stupid idiot* come in man what are you doing?" Stupid idiot answers "oh man you gotta stop me before I box this bastard"

      Stupid idiot steps toward door of building site (still chewing pasty) looks back and says "I don't know, what you're doing just seems ... I don't know.... perverted to me".

      I put camera in holster and walk off to work. Ho Hum.

    2. ben_patio (52 months ago | reply)

      A great story well told.

    3. J Mark Dodds a shadow of my future self (52 months ago | reply)

      Thanks Ben. I was shaking. I kind of hoped he'd wallop me and I'd ruin his life in court. but some kind of noble self restraint came over him and he backed himself off.

      I mean after the bailiffs last week I just thought a punch in the head would have been ideal for me.

      I could see the south London press headlines.

      "STUPID IDIOT SMASHES SCRUNCHY SNAPPER"

    4. ben_patio (52 months ago | reply)

      "HAVE A GO HERO DUFFS UP PAEDO"

    5. J Mark Dodds a shadow of my future self (52 months ago | reply)

      Much better. It would be difficult to shake off the paedo label, being a publican.

      There's nowt so queer as folk.

    6. H@shim A ™ (52 months ago | reply)

      He was eating a pasty by the way, and spitting bits of it all over the place.

      "STUPID IDIOT SMASHES SCRUNCHY SNAPPER"

      =)

    7. J Mark Dodds a shadow of my future self (52 months ago | reply)

      If I'd shown him the last photograph I'd taken - the white poo pic - what kind of perversion is that a reflection of? - I think he'd have burst a blood vessel and just exploded right there, on the pavement.

      And then I could've taken a photograph of the mess.

    8. J Mark Dodds a shadow of my future self (52 months ago | reply)

      "HAVE A GO HERO DUFFS UP PAEDO"

      Had a lot of chortles over that one Ben!

      You back from Pakistan then Hashim. Via Gatwick? Have a good time?

    9. red5standingby (52 months ago | reply)

      "POO LOVING PAEDO PERV PUBLICAN PUNISHED"

    10. red5standingby (52 months ago | reply)

      PS Even more excited about Spice and Nice opening now! Also looks like something is happening to the boarded up pub on the corner of Padfield Road. I'm hoping it becomes another hair salon or 24 hour off license. Or perhaps a betting shop.

    11. J Mark Dodds a shadow of my future self (52 months ago | reply)

      It might be a diversification local - a bit of all three with a post office and deli thrown in for good measure. I've seen hairdressers in two pubs before. Here's one.

      Jolly Gardener

    12. J Mark Dodds a shadow of my future self (4 months ago | reply)

      Fuck me that was a long time ago.

      I HAVE to say, as I am DYING for a piss AND a cigarette, that I don't smoke much now but I do pee as much as I did then.

    13. J Mark Dodds a shadow of my future self (4 months ago | reply)

      Right. I just had a wee. Life is better. NOW, soon, I'm going to roll a cigarette. This will be the first one for three days. And I want you to know that I didn't even TRY to not have a fag in that time, it just happened. Does / is this / have significance? NO

      it does not

      What I was going to say above but which I was diverted from by bladder demands is that, for me, finding Flickr and me being someone who takes a lot of photographs, meant an extraordinary release from the day to day SHITE that I was putting up with all that time ago.

      This is not too much hyperbole - Flickr's very existence gave me something to do that was completely separate from the NIGHTMARE I was going through from 2004 until 2011. Its presence offered me purpose where I had no other, which sounds really bad considering I had a partner and young children who needed support. They were not part of the world I was dealing with - Tied Pubs Coming home and uploading images meant a whole purpose to me that otherwise I would not have had.

    14. H@shim A ™ (4 months ago | reply)

      the NIGHTMARE I was going through from 2004 until 2011

      that's quite a long time Mark - and i'm very hopeful that 2012 marks the beginning of a reversal at the difficult period is buried in the past.

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