22/09/2009 (Day 3.265) - Running On Bravado

We had no customers today, so I took the opportunity to spend some tranny time in Wollongong. There's still plenty of work we ... I ... should be doing, but the simple fact is that sometimes I just need to do this if I'm to cope. The last few weeks have been particularly stressful and emotionally draining; shallow as it seems the simple act of spending some time as my 'other self' allows me to disconnect from it and return to things refreshed.

Anyway, I had a pleasant time shopping in Wollongong or, at least, going around shops as I contrived not to buy very much. After a light lunch I took a few pictures on the beach because it was a gloriously sunny day and the beach seemed a good place to be. The sand was scorching hot.

The title refers to the perennial issue I have of confidence. Every so often I find I'm looking at myself and thinking 'What the hell are you doing?'. I mean, I'm out in public dressed as a woman and a small part of me doesn't understand where the ... well ... balls to do it comes from. I first stepped out into the 'real world' like this two years ago, and I've never felt any real fear or worry about it; I know that discovering the confidence to do it has spilled over into my non-tranny life as well, and helped a great deal there. People noticed. A lot of them never knew the reason. Well, it's all about the frocks. But, even so, I still find that little voice saying, 'What the hell are you doing?'.

I guess that i'm just trying to be me, the best way I can. And that's all any of us can do.

View On Black

A year ago today the first member of our family departed for Australia.

(In the comments I note that a year on I expected to be opening boxes of soldiers and finding them still in the packing material. Yesterday I opened a box of soldiers. And they were still in their packing material :-) )

ONLY 100 DAYS TO GO!

Comments and faves

  1. Jeanique (45 months ago | reply)

    good you took this time with yourself! I love the photo, look at that beach, and look at you! You look beautiful!

  2. sakurawind (45 months ago | reply)

    2209? TRANNIES FROM THE FUTUUUUUUUURE!!

    Your "other self" looks great here :)

  3. Kaptain Kobold (45 months ago | reply)

    : Oops. Thanks.

    (They Came From 200 years Hence. With Sequins. And They Looked Gawjus! TRANNIES FROM 2209!)

  4. ★

    Mrs. Chantalle added this photo to her favorites. (45 months ago)

  5. ~miss panda~ (45 months ago | reply)

    Bravado is a great thing to be running on :-) A wise person once said "be yourself, because you can do it better than anyone else" I probably paraphrased that badly, but you get my meaning :-)

    BTW I would love a skirt like that!

  6. Ginger_Blue (45 months ago | reply)

    Oh but don't we all struggle with "What the hell are you doing?" Don't we all look at our lives and find it a bit shocking that we do what we do...or don't do what we want to. Maybe I need to create a new persona so I can delineate a way to make time for myself.

  7. ApplesInMyBra (45 months ago | reply)

    LOL! OMG this is hilarious. Trannies R Us. You look GAW-Gusss!

  8. Darth Phil (45 months ago | reply)

    You look really nice.

    And Bravado is a great Rush track as well.

    Being too lazy to google it, what are the Five Islands?

  9. sheenacv (45 months ago | reply)

    This is really nice. It sounds like a relazing day. It makes me think of that other shot of you on the beach - running from the camera, I think. That's where I first really noticed your pics.

  10. Mrs Butterbur (45 months ago | reply)

    Hang in there! I know something about the stress of a new job, new house and new country! (And I'm beginning to learn about the stress of terminal illness in a relative).

    "I guess that i'm just trying to be me, the best way I can. And that's all any of us can do."

    And that's what we like you to do because you're great the way you are!

  11. twnklmoon (45 months ago | reply)

    So glad you can be you. Seriously. And you look so pretty and peaceful.

  12. pics** (45 months ago | reply)

    I'm soooo impressed that you can be you and find happiness..... I'm having a hard time doing that and my situation only relates to a divorce. Inspiring for sure.

  13. woordenaar (45 months ago | reply)

    Hey neighbour, looking good! And no, no bill from me :)

  14. Tyla'75 (45 months ago | reply)

    looking fabulous on the beach missy!!

  15. Kaptain Kobold (45 months ago | reply)

    : Thank you. Philosophical musings aside it was a great day out, and I got home just before the glorious sunshine (temperatures in the upper twenties centigrade) turned into thunderstorms, high winds and chaos. Apres moi, le deluge :-)

    : There are five smallish islands just off the coast. Amazingly they are called The Five Islands :-) You can see a couple of them here.

    : Yes, this picture is in a similar style to the earlier beach shot (and they were taken about 50 metres apart). This is the shot I originally intended to do on that day (and, in fact, that shot would have fitted today's title far better).

    : Glad you like the skirt; I have no idea where it's from; it's a cheap cotton print skirt I picked up in a charity shop for a couple of dollars. Indeed the whole outfit (top, skirt, shoes) cost less than 20 bucks, half of which was the top.

  16. visionthing64 (45 months ago | reply)

    It's a really nice beach shot.
    I had my confidence knocked by separation and divorce recently, and that little voice often creeps into my head. It came on me today while I was delivering training in my new job: "What the hell makes you think you deserve to be here?" But I work with it. It just reminds me how far I've come.

  17. ★

    Ms Sally2011 added this photo to their favorites. (11 months ago)

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