- Hill 60
- 20% of the Five Islands
22/09/2009 (Day 3.265) - Running On Bravado
We had no customers today, so I took the opportunity to spend some tranny time in Wollongong. There's still plenty of work we ... I ... should be doing, but the simple fact is that sometimes I just need to do this if I'm to cope. The last few weeks have been particularly stressful and emotionally draining; shallow as it seems the simple act of spending some time as my 'other self' allows me to disconnect from it and return to things refreshed.
Anyway, I had a pleasant time shopping in Wollongong or, at least, going around shops as I contrived not to buy very much. After a light lunch I took a few pictures on the beach because it was a gloriously sunny day and the beach seemed a good place to be. The sand was scorching hot.
The title refers to the perennial issue I have of confidence. Every so often I find I'm looking at myself and thinking 'What the hell are you doing?'. I mean, I'm out in public dressed as a woman and a small part of me doesn't understand where the ... well ... balls to do it comes from. I first stepped out into the 'real world' like this two years ago, and I've never felt any real fear or worry about it; I know that discovering the confidence to do it has spilled over into my non-tranny life as well, and helped a great deal there. People noticed. A lot of them never knew the reason. Well, it's all about the frocks. But, even so, I still find that little voice saying, 'What the hell are you doing?'.
I guess that i'm just trying to be me, the best way I can. And that's all any of us can do.
A year ago today the first member of our family departed for Australia.
(In the comments I note that a year on I expected to be opening boxes of soldiers and finding them still in the packing material. Yesterday I opened a box of soldiers. And they were still in their packing material :-) )
ONLY 100 DAYS TO GO!