This City - the update
Four years ago I fell in love in this city,
with a boy who was perfect for me in so many, many ways.
But – as is the nature of our world – he was also imperfect for me in
equal measures.
He left me and I was both devastated and relieved (although not in
equal measures).
I am back in this city for a few days for work. And as much as I am trying to be professional and focused and grown up and moved-on I am walking down streets that are full of the memories of a time (the last time) when I was swept up in the excitement of falling in love with someone who was falling in love with me.
We (me and he) are catching up for drinks on Saturday night.
It will be the first time I have seen him since we split.
It has been three years.
I haven’t been in a relationship since.
He has – but isn’t in one right now.
And while I have been giving myself a stern talking to about “not going backwards – not even for a night” and “look after your heart” and “going from a significant other to a one-night stand will not be doing your self esteem any favours” I have also noticed that I have shaved my legs, waxed my bikini line, dyed my hair and tinted my eyelashes.
I have been plumbing the depths of my soul to find the one thing that will give me resolve. The one piece of advice, a quote, a saying, the anecdote that will be my mantra when I am a few drinks into our ‘catch up’ and I start to throw caution to the wind. I have even considered filling my purse with reminders or writing stuff on my leg (like the guy from that movie Momento) in order to keep myself on track.
I haven’t found quite the right one, so it’s over to you my Flickr friends.
What’s a girl to do?
Comments and faves
zopeuse, Dr.f6oom ஐ~, jecate, fire fuel (a.s.), and 18 other people added this photo to their favorites.
WithUibelong (55 months ago | reply)
This pic makes me wanna... think about life
Your comment makes me wanna think....."there is no right way to do the wrong thing", "to thine own self be true" and a lot of other sayings that probably will irritate you!
◘ marcelo (55 months ago | reply)
hope is alive !!!
in 1987 i met the girl of my dreams , we were 2 young at the time and living in different cities , me in Syd and her in Melb , after 13 years of being apart and missing her terribly , we caught up in Melb for a few drinks ... and guess what !!! we r now 2gether and engaged and living overseas were we first met ...
love has no time !!!
Love the photo by the way :)
Jettgirl (55 months ago | reply)
ahhh marce.....
if only he missed me.
He doesn't -
He doesn't have any feelings for me at all.
Thank you withuibelong...... your advice is going in the hand bag.
Bhumi Finding Herself (55 months ago | reply)
This pic makes me wanna... tell you not to go back to those who have hurt you in the past and you deserve better...
roy_mac_an_iarla (55 months ago | reply)
This pic makes me wanna... think.
Very thought provoking image. Well done.
Bhumi Finding Herself (55 months ago | reply)
I don't know if this makes sense to the situation but this is what came to my mind as a mantra offering:
"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. "
Andy Frazer (55 months ago | reply)
A beautiful self-portrait.
--
Seen in my contacts' photos. (?)
..karen.. (55 months ago | reply)
Beautiful portrait... the light in devine.... Relationships and children have taught me many things....but the most important, which ultimately saved the life of my child.........simply trust your instincts. In the end there will always be periods of intense hurt....but the good will always outway it ... all the best with your decision...and Saturday night :)
seen in the Australian Female Photographers group
schatzepage13 (55 months ago | reply)
The best I can do is, you love the city, so let it love you. You may think of the place you loved him and HIM in the same sentence, but you can have your love affair with the city--soaking in everything about it that makes you feel yourself feeling--and not have it with him. Besides, no matter which way is "best", you've already decided what you want to do. And nothing feels better in the morning than knowing that you've withstood the threat to your own wellbeing.
Besides--the city will still be there in the morning, even if he isn't.
And I love the self-portrait. Especially the simplicity of the surroundings with the complexity of "you"--very nice.
MattNJohnson (55 months ago | reply)
You are so beautiful, talented and smart (as evidenced by this photo and description). You deserve to be with someone that loves you, truly, for you. You deserve to be happy. Hold out for that, be positive, and he will come along when you least expect it.
zopeuse (55 months ago | reply)
I understand your feelings.
take care
golden haze (55 months ago | reply)
be true to your heart, not your mind, the heart dreams, the mind just tries to reason
Canon Camera (55 months ago | reply)
I loved that movie!
Since I have such an appalling memory, it was good to see someone worse.
Don't right him off. You want to see him, he want to see you, maybe things have changed.
But don't let him in (to your heart/life) unless your are sure.
Hey, this agony aunt stuff is fun.
Do keep us informed.
moi_images (55 months ago | reply)
Just go with the flow of the night and do what is right for you at the time. Whatever happens, don't feel regret ~ just enjoy the experience for what it is (be it meeting an old friend, a one night stand, closure for you, the start of something wonderful). It will be what it is. Just protect your heart and enjoy yourself. Life is for living, we are only here once. You will regret things you don't do far more than things you experience, for life's living is about experiencing things.
Have a great weekend!
PS - great image
african. identity? [deleted] (55 months ago | reply)
Excellent work. The lighting and composition are superb!
Great back-story too.
I have only one question. Why did you agree to see him again? Honestly now...
Jettgirl (55 months ago | reply)
Okay - firstly I want to say htank you so much to everyone who posted comments on this shot. They made me laugh, cry, think and gave me the resolve I felt I needed.
Which is why when he wanted to reschedule I told a teeny tiny lie so that I could avoid the catch up. All of a sudden seeing him again was not only not important but also not that big of a deal.
African. Identity asked a great question - why DID I want to see him again and the answer is this.
He is a great guy and when we split I felt that it was really important that I was able to reach a point where we could be friends. He is the only one of my ex's that I do talk to and now a days when we chat the conversations flow without there being the hang-ups of someone wanting someone back.
BUT what i've come to realise this weekend is this - great guy or not we are not really 'mates'. We (me and him) live 3000kms from each other and more often than not i'm the one who calls or initiates the contact. Which is fine. But i realise that I'm seeking out this form of 'friendship' because I really want to feel 'healthy' about the breakup and like i'm a normal human being who doesn't walk around holding big grudges (something i'm often very guilty of).
Anyhoo - what i'm getting to is this. I realised that part of being in a healthy friendship is the ability to see when that friendship is failing or faulty or in this particular case - completely one sided. So it really doesn't matter that I didn't see him - because the friendship I have been trying to create to make myself feel better isn't anything he is interested in OR even needs to be responsible for.
But as is the case so often with me - just because I learn something good doesn't mean I don't self destruct. Which I did....but I choose not to talk about that anymore.
Rafael Lopes - Dillbert (55 months ago | reply)
professional scenarium
fire fuel (a.s.) (55 months ago | reply)
Awe...I have felt all of the above emotions too...you need only look at my stream to know...I don't think it is a pathetic saga...just a saga...
MadmàT (54 months ago | reply)
really lovely shot ! the light is great ! and the composition too !
roleATL (54 months ago | reply)
... I couldn't say what to do; and judging by the time stamp of your photo; it already took place; but I can say, your sentiment about the encounter was not completely gender specific. My ex has moved on, but I guarantee every time I even think I could have an encounter with her I put on a clean shirt!
drummerboyyy [deleted] (53 months ago | reply)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't desire to be with me AND I will not allow her desires / actions to dictate mine -- meaning just because she does desire to be with me does not mean I necessarily want to be with her (anymore). I refuse to give my power away to anyone, whether it's the power to choose or the power to love. Those choices must be independent to be healthy. Simple, right? Ha! Hope you are doing well.
ElianaAndrea (51 months ago | reply)
love thescene