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'Cause I wonder sometimes about the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?

-John Mayer
Why Georgia

Adam,

I don't know if it's the way we have connected that I'm so drawn to you. Perhaps we've met a lifetime ago, running in the Cheshire streets as children during my summers there...just a mile or so from each other. How we were living such similar lives, not always easy. How I needed you then (like I need you now) and you've came back to say to me...
"I wish I'd seen you as a little girl
Without your armor to fend off the world
I would have kept you underneath my wing
I would protect you from everything.."
...like Tonic sings, in Lemon Parade.

But whatever it is, I'm drawn to you. I can't put you down or pull you out of my thoughts. I'm becoming consumed by you each given moment.

I don't know if it's what is right or what we're ready for or what this is? Your essence and soul are both perfection to me. Your story is wonderful, even with the imperfections. I hear it and absorb it...I get it. I love it.

The total you is incredible to me.

Is it the your love music, like I do? Is it they way way you move your head to the beat...how you sing, how you get lost into the sound...the musician you are? That you connect to the lyrics and they're so much a part of you too?

The way you care and give. Your heart is so wonderful and in a place I have not seen many with?

The way you tell me your stories and allow me to know the total you?

The way you've survived and lived through so much in a lifetime, that I can only tell you over and over...I love all that created you?

Is it your wonderful sense of style, the way you dress or how you let your hair grow in just a bit...just so, that I love. You sat there so sexy, so gorgeous there with that smile as I sat across from you over lunch. How I couldn't take my eyes off of you?

Is it how you've made me laugh... and laugh so hard I could cry? How you make me smile...which can be so hard for some to do?

How you're a stupid, silly fuck with your one song cd's that you burned for me...and I can laugh at the things you do? How you laugh at yourself?

Is it the way you took my hand, held it tightly as we walked through the streets. Put your jacket over my shoulders, to keep me warm and just held me at different times...just to hold me?

Is it they way you pulled me to you and danced with me to the rhythm of Citizen Cope for hours and hours...bottles of red wine...swaying...feeling that beat between?

Is it the little things...sipping on the same coffee, buying our favorite candy from the candy store, sitting by the fountain just talking, sharing...just sharing?

Is it the way I can tell you anything...anything...anything. No secrets...being totally transparent. Where I have nothing to hide?

Is it our fate that we met? That we've lived the lives we've had and played out our stories to meet now? We've played in the same town and loved the same, exact things. Was this our time?

I don't know what it is or what to think? Our hearts are soaring somewhere. As if I've met you lifetime ago and we've just gotten started, I'm trying hard to slow it all down. I'm trying to be on the same step as you and not allow my heart to go so fast...but my heart is ready to fly. Let each sunrise come with more to share until sunset. To allow what is to be...just be. I don't know if I should be afraid, afraid of being hurt...that you'd find reason to leave? What am I to think, Adam? What am I to think? Help me. Tell me what to do. I am so afraid that you will leave too.

I'm trying to put this all down in words, because it's all just happening. I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to figure out my way. And all I can do for now is to put this to something above me and pray. I'm putting this with God and allowing him to to his work. I cannot do anything more but trust, have faith and believe this is the beginning to us...something wonderful.

I know you have told me that you want to stay on this path..."This path is good and I want to be there on it with you." I just hope we can find a way to do so and go on a journey that takes us far. I'm going to sit back and breathe...and hope that you keep coming to me.

I'm so glad that I've been given you.

I hope this doesn't end.

Here we go on our Lemon Parade.

Marcie

The first sunrise I've taken in a great, long while. This was my view going in to work today.

Ocean, ocean I love...

La Jolla, CA
June 1, 2011