Day 328: The Disease
April 20, 2010
Yeah before anyone takes offense to this I'm not dissing mental illness, I'm just out of ideas and wanted to freak your freak...that's all.
Honestly, I never thought I'd get to this point...the point where I'm SO ready for this project to be over. I remember back when I first began I would follow some people's 365 and they would get to this point and I just couldn't understand it. Now I totally do lol I want the freedom of being creative on my own time! Wah!
And my resentment combined with my Danboless life...I won't go right into another 365. Perhaps down the road, but not right away. Ick...too much right now.
In a way I kinda feel like slipping into insanity. Since Garry didn't get the job, hopes of me going out there are dashed. So now I'm going to ask mom if he can visit me this summer for however long...a month at most. I just hate the thought of being in that dirty place with mom treating me like I'm 5. I can't stand it...I understand that she doesn't want Garry and me getting too "personal" but god does she have to treat me like I'm 5? I dream of just getting to spend even one night being with him...without fear about my mom, about life, about anything...but that won't be achieved.
But I can't be a beggar...I honestly just want to spend time with him. It's not all about sex by any means...I want to laugh with him, sing with him, dance with him, play games with him, go on walks with him while we talk about our thoughts, beliefs, and dreams...we both so desperately need this.
But it's kinda discouraging looking at flight prices. I'm blown away, honestly...has it been that long that I have looked into buying a ticket that they raised the price by at least $100? I only have $250 to my name right now and mom STILL owes me $250...and the absolute cheapest ticket I could find was $350 :( The next option would be train which would probably be the suckiest thing EVER for him...so I don't count that as an option.
So yeah...going insane with that and school work.
TRF: Apparently my sister doesn't hate me. She apparently talks to this girl who used to be obsessed with me (and mysteriously got my number somehow and is now texting me all the time) and they talk about me "all the time" and nothing bad comes up. Dunno if she's being polite or if she really holds no resentment toward me like I thought...
PS. I actually added the grain and noise...wanted it to look even more deranged and old.