June 1, 2011.
Thank you so, so much for the Front Page for Day 169. It's my first ever Front Page and I don't even know how to thank all of you for your encouragement and support.. I wouldn't be here without any of you. :)
I question my existence, the value of my existence, the purpose of my
I question the reasons why I keep going and why I'm doing this.
I question very single action I carry out. Every single word I utter. Every single thought that passes through my head.
But most of all, I question the reason why I am alive.
What makes me deserving to have what I have, while others may have much less?
What am I living for, exactly? I must be here for a reason, to do something, to fulfill some kind of goal. Something that would cement my footsteps deeply into this Earth, to let me know I have made some kind of difference; made someone's life better.
If I were to die, the very next day, would all I have done up to now, be worth it? Or will the last few transient memories of what I was fade into dissolving silence?
I don't know what I'm living for; not just yet. But I do know, that for now, nothing, utterly nothing is worth dying for. Not until I have managed to change something for the better.
Not until I have shred the threads of self obsession for selflessness. Not until I have derived something that will prove that everything I believe in, is real.
So the next time before you say 'I would die for..' Just think. Would you really?