It’s been one year since I left my job. One year since I packed up my bobble heads, cleaned out my desk and walked out of a building that was my home away from home for three and a half years. I left a job that looks great on paper, security that I would always have more than enough (sometimes even too much) work to keep me busy and employed, and approval of my choice of profession in the eyes of my peers. I walked out of certainty, and into the unknown. No job lined up, no fixed income, no knowledge of where I was heading. All I knew was that it was time for me to leave, that God was calling me to get up and follow Him.
So I did. Through various part time jobs, continuous hours at a coffee shop, and whatever other little lines of payment that fell in front of me, I made it through the spring, then summer, and then the colder months. Sometimes I’d have multiple days off during the week, hanging on twentyish hours of work. Other times, it was seven days a week for months, sometimes working from early in the morning until late at night. But through all of the hours, or lack thereof, God was ever present and mindful of me. Gloriously enough, as I battled the horrific monster that was my checkbook, God provided just enough for me, exactly when I needed it, almost to the dollar. Whenever bill time arrived, God gave me the funds to pay. And so I got by month to month.
What I did isn’t exactly what some might call a “wise decision,” especially in these times of economic somersaulting. To walk away from what I had and make a u-turn to walk down the path of faith is unusual, and when I first started telling people I left my job, they looked at me with sympathy pooling in their eyes. They didn’t understand that it was actually my choice to leave, to follow a calling I felt was much bigger, by a boss who ruled not only my life, but the universe as well. There have been times where I have been questioned, where I’ve been made to feel like serving coffee wasn’t good enough, and asked when I would be getting a real job. My response to these people? I do have a real job. Because to me, going out and serving God in whatever way I can, however He calls me to live as His light, is the most real and awakening life I’ve been privileged to have.
Believe me, it hasn’t been an easy trek. There are times where I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, if I’m living out my life in a way that glorifies Him. I know He has something in store for me, and I have a tendency to strain my eyes down the road. But I can honestly say that I have never relied on Him more and taken satisfaction in the little moments He graces me with, because without His provision, and the affirmation that I am walking in His footsteps, I couldn’t get through the days that turn to weeks, which mold into months.
One of the most amazing things that I’ve been learning, and I’ll write it in stone because this is a definite learning process, is that He is faithful. He cares, and He comforts when some days it's doubt, and other days it's destiny, that battles within me.
Do I know where I’m going? Absolutely not. Do I know where I’ve come from? Most certainly. And the distance between these two places of my life is not measured by my accomplishments, but rather what God is able to accomplish through me. Because He’s in the driver’s seat; I’m just along for the ride.
Thanks to Lenabem-Anna for the texture.