ON VOCAL SANCTIONS -- edvard munch looks back through time as max headroom -- not a scream, a full belly laugh of joy : ishootwindows, san francisco (2013)
"on vocal sanctions and why the use of this technique is often spiritually reprehensible"
in the 21st century we have psychologically perfected the game of tag.
and vocal sanctions — controlled communication techniques — play a huge part in the silent war games of modern relationships.
last year , in august, two hugely important people imposed vocal sanctions against me.
and, i’m sure it’s been done before and i've just never noticed with people of less importance to me.
but in this case, neither one indicated it.
they just did it.
one checked out completely.
and the other made an unspoken decision to "accept my calls", but not to make any in return (it turns out his reasons for imposing these vocal sanctions were because he had a new boyfriend but wasn’t brave enough to tell me and wasn’t supposed to be talking to me at all, but as long as i called, it didn't break his agreement that he'd made — double LAME!!!! like they say, cheaters always cheat, don't try to fix 'em, brand 'em!!)
since childhood, many of us have seen the saying — "talk only when you have to and never write at all". of course, this is the mantra of the lawyer, not the artist, the creator, the writer or any who have a truly open heart.
i think we all know that it is those who fear themselves who create fear in others.
so what are vocal sanctions and how can YOU use them to better your life? heheheh, just kidding, but sometimes i can’t help myself.
vocal sanctions take on many forms. therapists in all fields of mental health breakdown almost always encourage their "patients" (oh, come on, let’s just call them CLIENTS!!!!) to explore this strangely powerful field of communication control.
for instance, the silent treatment, an age old communication torture practice which can destablize and destroy children’s sense of self worth and ego has long been applied by parents and older siblings to smaller and more fragile and vulnerable children or siblings. this is just one of the many techniques and methods of delivering vocal sanctions.
when language and connection have been patternistically established through routine or repetition, that’s when vocal sanctions have the most power. as mentioned before, vocal sanctions are used to fracture relationships, so they "break" the normalized patterns. therapists claim that this is necessary, but they never take any responsibility for the fall out that "fracturing" causes instead of teaching methods for kind termination or gentle disassociation.
anyway, in order to use vocal sanctions, by decree, there must be a power imbalance in the relationship. vocal sanctions can be levied to either increase the disparity between two people or to exacerbate the tensions between people.
either way, vocal sanctions are a manipulative, crafted and premeditated response to the failings of the human condition. vocal sanctions are calculated and often never discussed before being imposed secretly. thus, a fracturing is made, but that fracturing is one which sneaks up like a fault-line on a southern california suburb development.
spiritually, this practice is for cowards.
the spiritual outcome and sorrow that comes from waging a vocal sanctions war against another human extends far beyond the intended victim. the impact of this technique, in undermining the ego of the person it is levied against, takes away from many people.
because vocal sanctions are spiritually immature and the direct result of modern "therapy teaching", which exults the separation of individuals and creates a cash market out of people’s life problems and their ability to see how they handle their life problems, the use of vocal sanctions is most likely petulant and comes from a place of hurt and unhappiness.
and often, like the AIDS epidemic in south africa, sanctions are more likely to be used to HIDE a much greater and deeper atroctiy.
the u.s. levied sanctions against south africa in the 80s and helped to redirect world attention away from the rapidly spreading and killer disease. by focusing attention on nelson mandela and freedom and bishop tutu, the world failed to see how AIDS was ravaging millions and millions of black africans sitting on some of the most coveted lands in the world…
so, too, vocal sanctions, when levied by the weak, or the hurt or the injured are generally a prime indicator that cowardice is the motivation.
personally, since i have a hard time keeping track of my ego, i didn’t even notice that i had been vocally sanctioned. it had taken me nine months to come to the realization.
and i have a very busy life and can barely call myself back to say hi these days. so it took an extra long time to figure out that i’d been vocally sanctioned off.
and, oddly/honestly, of the two people that levied sanctions against me, i only want to hear from one. and yesterday, after finally having a meltdown, i realized that the sound of someone’s voice can be something we remember forever. and in not being able to hear a voice, one can wish for it like a favorite song.
and i miss your voice. but i respect your reasons for vocally sanctioning me. and i love you. and if all you can read are these words, i hope they sound like a voice in the back of your head. and i’m proud of you and happy for you in your new life that i know absolutely nothing about.
relationships, when looked back upon, are much less useful to us than we imagine. and humans are addicted to relationshipping.
it is like a culturally acceptable form of drug-taking.
it allows the "lonely" to abuse others.
and i'm old enough now to understand that the "lonely" are truly the saddest people in the world and genuinely motivated to do almost all of the evil things they do because they want to be loved.
so for all of you who encourage people to believe in the deep emptiness of human relationshipping, don't be surprised if your actual options for happiness go down in direct proportion to the seeds of wastefulness you sow in your mind's garden of contentment.
and i'm not saying don't be in relationships. i'm saying, BE AWARE that expendability is the first golden platform of the lonely.
if you have relationships with lonely people, you will not cure their loneliness. their loneliness is a social disease.]
TELL TALE SIGNS THAT YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH A LONELY PERSON:
*** lonely people try to stay busy. being alone is terrifying. so lonely people have incredibly busy schedules. they can be people who plan way ahead in time and like to look at their calendars and imagine the future.
*** lonely people can seem over-friendly and invitational. they are trying to fill up their calendar. so this can appear to be thoughtful and exciting -- look, this person is thinking ahead and including me! but keep in mind that there's always a 75% chance that you are A = not the first person they've invited. B = the plan itself might change as it comes closer to fruition. C = people with really busy calendars will inevitably try to postpone, bump, or reschedule. again, EXPENDABILITY is a keyword with lonely people.
*** lonely people tend to hide the severity of their loneliness. for them, it is literally crippling. and for people who are not lonely, it is rather unimaginable. so MASKING is one of the great tools that make a lonely person's life seem more bearable and less offensive to the outside eye.
masking is the fine art of concealment.
in our society, concealment in conversation (we've already seen how it works in the calendar realm of planning) hides itself in topics. brand names, vacation plans or experiences, dreams. these are the topical regions of spoken concealment. these subjects are localized inside shared memories. they are the subjects we all know by cultural association -- the clothes we choose to wear, the footgear we put on, whether we support the massive touristization of cuba, etc.
these common addresses circulate around our prefixed ideas of home loans and student loans and car loans and "for sure to fail" small business loans.
so many loans.
i'm sure we all know where the roots for loan - liness