where there is love, there will be mayhem : liquid painting, scott richard (2015)
hercules & the love affair
people talk a lot about sex politics.
and usually they don't even know they're talking about it, just like food politics and the framework for luxury eating -- these massive industries all coalescing and no one seems to take much notice.
we think eggs and milk and meat and fruit magically arrive out of nothing. we hardly imagine that the politics of food is EVERYTHING.
and that the politics of food affects the politics of sex.
but more to the point of what's on tap today -- friends and sex.
first, friends aren't people you have sex with.
if you've had sex with someone, you can never be their friend again. like a murderer or a prostitute or a christian, once you've crossed the line, you can never be the same again. you've been tarnished by the experience. or varnished. or yarnished. or zarnished.
but the fact doesn't change -- a friend is NOT someone you've had sex with. and yes, that sentence really ends with a preposition!!!
also, a friend is NOT someone you want to have sex with. damn, another prepositional ending!!! only hideously ruthless people pretend to be friends with people that they really want to have sex with!!!!! and that's way worse than ending a sentence with a preposition. that's like ending a friendship with a bottle of medz and an AK47.
DO WE UNDERSTAND??
sex and friendship are purposely unlinked. a friend is someone you can talk scientifically about sex. the attachments of friendship are interest, shared interests, admiration, approval, enthusiasm for one another and the courage to go out in the world and create experiences together. friendship is a dance that takes place in real life.
it's not electronic and it can't be phone-based.
most people don't really have friendships anymore.
instead, they have the ghosts and skeletons of friendships. they have Facebook and digital imagery. they have phones and FaceTime and fantastic freedoms from actual friendship while deluding themselves into believing that it is actual friendship.
as for past lovers, stop saying you're friends with them.
you're not. you may be friendly toward one another, but you will never be friends again.
you fucked each other and you blew that opportunity. you know too much about each other that isn't friendship.
you've been inside each other.
that's not friendship.
friends only know each other from outside each other.
friends are like albert pike's description of god.
friends are elephants passing in the night that we grope with our human minds and hearts, hoping for a description of the unknown. friends are fellow journey people. they are guides and beacons and warm, cozy havens of peacefulness. friends move together in that darkness, challenging the mysteries of life with their togetherness.
i love all my friends. even those that i've abandoned shamelessly. even those that ended up in the darkness of meth and hideousness of self-loathing. i love the ones who ended up as alcoholics and despairing creatures who cling helplessly to hope. i love the ones who are gods and shatter the now. i love the ones on motorcycles, the ones who burn through the night and rampage and dance. i love the ones who gave it all up to be mothers and now have the sorrow of mothership lodged firmly into their hearts. i love the ones that have turned into fantastic artists and have kept at it regardless of what others said or did. i love my amazing friends.
and i know we all spiral toward death at some point.
and i know that there is always sadness in abundance.
but friends have a responsibility to enjoy each other, to lift each other up, to take pleasure in the choice of being human with one another.
friends may be people at work, but it's not likely.
most people know people by accident and end up with accidental friendships.
same with love.
lazy people don't even begin to understand friendship.
but we are a funny people with funny wishes...