After weeks of hiding in my BAM photos, I figured I'd come out this week. I always knew this week required a full on BAM. And today was a good day to BAM. Thankfully, a good friend invited me out to lunch. Right before I left, the recess bell sounded. I've promised myself for weeks I wouldn't look for him because we've had transition issues in the past. I wouldn't let the dog out. I'd even park my car on the street just so he wouldn't be reminded that we lived just over the face. But I allowed myself one peek & darted out of the house.
We had a long lunch that covered every topic. I worried that I was staling & hijacking her time. I even ran to Target before I went home. But when I got home, it was still a recess period (there's 4). I crouched behind the microwave so only one eye could scan for him. Ducked into the corner for the other eye, but I still didn't see him. Fearing that I would spend the next hour searching for him, I decided to get behind the camera. Focus on the only interesting thing in the house: me.
Today, I join the ranks of mothers with kids in school. Our family is changing. We're slowly crawling out of the baby stages & venturing on the long road towards independence. It feels like every thing matters. It feels like everyone's role is changing & we aren't sure what to do next. Some mothers who have played this part for years might think that I'm dramatizing this new path. Maybe I am. That's fine. I know that in time it will feel as natural as it does to answer any child when you hear them scream, "Mom" in the grocery store. But right now, I'm walking in foreign territory & I blew out of this place over 5 years ago. I'm learning that things don't change here. Sometimes I feel like all I can do is fumble & other times I'm excited by the dark corner in front of me. It feels like another chapter is slowly winding down. And all I can do is wonder what's next for these plucky characters. I'm going to keep reading. This one's a page turner.
14:52 Weeks of BAM!