My name is Molly, and I sleep with my baby; day 199
Before Perla was born, we bought her a crib -- she has yet to sleep in it.
Perla had a rather dramatic entry into the world: she suffered a head injury and required resuscitation; when she was finally released to me from the NICU, I couldn't bear to have her sleep alone in the hard lucite hospital bassinette, so I took her into bed with me. Our first night together was the most blissful experience of my life.
When we were released from the hospital, I attempted to put Perla to sleep for the night in her bassinette: she wouldn't have it. So, she began sleeping with me and my husband in our bed.
She has yet to fall asleep on her own (and yes, I've tried Ferber -- the "cry it out" method -- and it pisses Perla off to no end; her cries turn to angry, frightened screams until she's picked up); the majority of Perla's naps are taken with me. Most nights I get a reasonable amount of sleep: usually 6 hours, sometimes 8, although not consecutively.
Too often, we do what we are supposed to do, what we are obligated to do, or what we think people expect us to do -- we far too rarely do what is right for us.
The "family bed" gets a lot of flack: it's setting a bad habit, it's perverted, it's dangerous, it spoils your child, your child will still be sleeping with you when she's 8... but it is right for us.
The great majority of mothers in the world sleep with their babies (think of all the mothers in rural and developing nations that don't have access to a Babies R Us...); the concept of a crib is largely western, and about 150 years old.
People complain that kids grow up too quickly nowadays, that they're too eager to be independent and don't respect their parents. Yet it's common practice to encourage young babies to sleep independently and for parents to ignore their cries.
Babies cry because they need something from grown ups -- be it food or comfort. Ignoring the only way a baby can communicate, to me, is wrong.
I am very fortunate that I can stay home with Perla, that she can snuggle herself to sleep with me. It isn't glamourous; it's the hardest job I've ever had and I get frustrated and I'm tired, but I know it's the right thing to do. At least for us.
Comments and faves
Brooka Photographic (55 months ago | reply)
that girl is too cute!
labutle (55 months ago | reply)
ahhh....blissful sleep.
Opal Gamble (55 months ago | reply)
Good for you for making the decision that suits your family best!
And what an utter cutie of a little girl.
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Seen in 365 Days (?)
Blazenhoff (55 months ago | reply)
I co-slept until Scarlett was two, then she got her own bed. But since she turned three, she started sleeping with me again. It's all good. ;)
She's getting SO BIG. Beautiful.
Brooka Photographic added this photo to their favorites. (55 months ago)
ms.Tea (55 months ago | reply)
this is that intense mom stuff you have to do in the begining of their lives,
it seems like it will last forever, but it doesn't. then all of a sudden their older, more independent, really funny people sleeping in their own beds, but for now i think it's wonderful.
Reedy's (55 months ago | reply)
well said, Molly! keep trusting your mama sense!
Sew Katie Did (53 months ago | reply)
It's a brief second in your life, you will hold close to your heart forever.
realgranola, carmelnap, and Laney G added this photo to their favorites.
Laney G (51 months ago | reply)
I just happened upon your page and I just LOVE this photo!! It brings back such special memories, too. I love what you wrote. Babies crave their parents attention and affection. Denying that is so sad to me.
My son was born prematurely and had to have brain surgery and spent 5 weeks in the NICU before coming home. Visiting him in that NICU everyday was so hard - having to maneuver around cords and machines to hold him. And only getting precious few hours to hold him everyday was just heartwrenching. My mother made me a beautiful sling and I vowed that as soon as he got to come home to us I would carry him around in that sling and never set him down.
His very first night home was so magical. I stayed up all night, never putting him down once - only to finally let my husband have a chance to cuddle with him, too! I was all set for the family bed but sadly he wanted nothing to do with it! Even as he got older I would try to get him to come into bed and snuggle with us but he would either wriggle around uncomfortably or just want to play. I was always bummed about it. I think it's a wonderful idea. Though he did like being carried around in the sling and would sleep for hours in it sometimes if we were out running errands.
Thankfully now, at 18 months, he's much more of a snuggler than he was before.
mollykiely (51 months ago | reply)
Thank you!
In midJanuary we began putting Perla down for the night in her crib, so that she could learn that the Mililko Bar wasn't open all night.
She generally wakes at 2am, at which point my husband goes to her with a bottle, and they sleep together in the spare room until 6am or so when Perla and I have our morning snuggle snacks. He's really enjoying their sleepy time together.
Unconventional, but it works. I figure I have so few years of major cuddle time with P, I'm going to get as much as I can!
Liz Leighton [deleted] (51 months ago | reply)
I've co-slept with each of my children and have no problem telling others so. You are right....it's the western world that shuns the idea while others in the world have no problem with it. Yes, it takes a bit longer to get your child to sleep in their own bed eventually but they do end up doing it. When I'm 78 years old, I know that co-sleeping will have been something special in our lives. My children are 13, 5 and 3 now with another on the way. They are all happy, well-adjusted, bright children who are very loving. I attribute some of that to the extra time we had as we slept.
Go you!
kunklebaby (46 months ago | reply)
Beautiful photo. Thanks for sharing your story too--I agree with you! They grow up in a blink of an eye, it's wonderful to know you are there when they need it.
chezfarmer (46 months ago | reply)
I never wanted to let go of my third baby, he hardly left my arms, let alone my bed! He is 4 1/2 and still crawls in bed with us half the time. The only problem now is that he is a completely sideways sleeper and a kicker, too! We just move him around during the night.
mollykiely (46 months ago | reply)
We recently got a king sized bed -- Perla sleeps sideways and is a kicker! Must be something about the snugglers...
davidlasky (45 months ago | reply)
Lovely photo!
AlyssssylA (45 months ago | reply)
Beautiful photo and right on sentiments. Babies are designed to be held and protected by their parents for months and years. I think taking care of your babies need for touch and reassurance are so important. And what a lovely little girl you have, too :)
J.J.D., You used to be alright. What happened?, Rozita Hajebi, and toriasjeldon added this photo to their favorites.
she.she.bee (40 months ago | reply)
my sentiments EXACTLY as i sit here, with my baby nuzzling her best friend boobie - ooops, it's off the family bed with us... gooodnight
f_costaleite and TechieMommie added this photo to their favorites.
brittanyejade (39 months ago | reply)
((hug)) keep up the good work, I've got fond memories from when I used to co sleep with my parents.
brittanyejade added this photo to their favorites. (39 months ago)
~ Paloma~ [deleted] (38 months ago | reply)
This is so very sweet Molly!
Perla is getting so big!
Jumiotte added this photo to their favorites. (34 months ago)
evaguein (empezamos de nuevo?) (33 months ago | reply)
Oh this one is adorable!!!
Rosepose by Rosanna Montoya added this photo to her favorites. (11 months ago)