M Choma's photostream

This is what I did all day about 2 days ago. I drank a pot of green tea, drew, and watched "Writstcutters: A Love Story."

I'm trying to get back to staying home and drawing slash painting and drinking tea and being healthy and spending time alone slash taking it easy.

It's hard I get invited out to do stuff because I want to go do these things and hang out with these people, but I want to get skinny and feel good again.

I've been in super funk lately. Feeling alone and out of it and shits. Hopefully this will all start to change. It already has tonight. I got invited to wing night by 2 different people and invited to the park and denied all of them to stay home and finish my drawing that is due tomorrow.

Time for healing again.

My best friend told me I put myself in situations that I know will make me miserable and sulk in my misery.
maybe I do.
maybe it's my subconscious.
maybe I have no idea what I'm doing.
maybe people just fuck me over.
maybe I let them.
who knows.

I don't know anything.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know why I'm so restless.
I don't know why I get so bored so fast.
I don't know why I can't be happy.
I don't know why I get so wrapped up in one person or thing.

I do know that being back in Wilmington is actually lovely.
I went to the gym yesterday, I've been getting about 9 hours of sleep a night, and I haven't had a cig in 3 days.
I'm going to get healthy and feel good again before I go back to Boone, so maybe it'll stick.
and I dyed my hair brown.

I'M GOING TO BE HAPPY AGAIN.
I swear.

Where do I even begin?
I'm such a mess.
I guess the root to most of my problems is the fact that I am broke.
I don't have a job, and my mom is tired of giving me so much money, which is understandable.
I am trying, trying, trying to get a job.

But, because I am broke, my hair is growing out and my roots are really bad.
I've been eating poorly and in weird habits, so I've gained weight.
I can't buy cigarettes. So. So. So. frustrating.

I'm going to Wake Forest today. Whenever I head that way it's always so bittersweet. A part of me wants to go see my friends and family, but Wake Forest doesn't hold much for me. Plus, I get homesick for Boone easily. Which doesn't really make sense because it's the people I get homesick for, not the actual place, and now my friends are gone. I still have a couple to look forward to coming back to see, but four very important people are gone.

Maybe I'll see her before Christmas. I've really had a desire to see her lately.

For the most part, I just need to figure out what I want. It keeps changing. I am so inconsistent and it gets really tiring. Sometimes I want the stability of a relationship, the consistency, the security. But then other times, mostly when I'm around couples, I see the fights and who they turn into when they're around each other, and I want nothing to do with it. I just want to know what I want.

It's been a lot of, "what the fuck is my life turning into?" lately.
I miss living in Wilmington, working, going to school, eating right, working out. I want it back so badly.

like 3 weeks ago.
I turned 21.
this is my sister and my birthday cake that my aunt made.
we celebrated together when we went home for thanksgiving break.

I'm been drinking a lot since I turned of age.
I should slow my roll.
really though.

I just miss being happy and feeling good and being healthy.
I want to do it!

ft. Kyrstin Brianna and Nicolas Rothenberg

so I haven't posted in a while. I moved to Boone a little over two months ago and have been busyyyyyyyy.

Besides school and friends, my mind has been completely preoccupied by this silly boy I will not speak of.

Because this is not my story it is theirs, and they are beautiful. Without going into a full detailed story, it seems as though as much as he has been able to, he has taken some form of captivity on my best friend, and it makes me really happy. I haven't seen her this happy in a long time and I really do hope it all goes smoothly and lasts for as long as it can.

This picture was taken this weekend when we went on a road trip down to Florida. They were absolutely adorable the whole time and I wanted so badly to not be jealous, but I was a little bit.

I'm just happy that they have found each other and I hope to find my own happiness in someone else soon.