The Beginning
VISIT MY BLOG: RUBIEROSIE.BLOGSPOT.COM
At first I wasn't sure what to do, my mind set has changed since last year, inevitably - But so have my personal circumstances and isn't it natural to go with the flow of your life...
So I think I'll stay here, and my photography will continue as a personal diary, with writing accompanying photographs, memories and feelings. My dream had always been for my photographs to be a visual extension of my written paper diaries I keep and just because my feelings have changed, it doesn't mean I need a new path completely. I think one thing I need to learn in life and could perhaps teach myself through my art is that changes will happen, but it doesn't mean I have to change as a person or be washed away with my tide of emotions.
As I develop as a person, it's ok to let my artwork develop with me. It feels for me acceptance of myself and my mental state are the most hard things, I can't often accept the fact that when I'm ill I am ILL, and I myself remain intact underneath that. Which often results in me "forgetting myself" and functioning on temporary feelings. Me and my GP discussed it this afternoon, he's been a lot of support to me over the last 6 months, I see him each fortnight for medication maintenance and general support.
I think I'm at a stage in my life where I'm ready to accept myself,
and that my illness is part of that. I'm not acting on impulse anymore
and cutting as a relief from distress and constant questioning. I've
learnt substantially about myself and my condition over the last two
years, from pharmacological mechanisms of medications to experimenting
in holistic treatments (aromatherapy is fantastic) and reading endless psychiatry texts.
Coincidentally my doctor said something very similar today ~
"I think in reality right now your going through a relatively good patch with your health, and youre beginning to question and understand treatment and whats going on around you"
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In terms of life updates:
- Psychiatrist appt. in 6 weeks, moving onto either: gabapentin,
sodium valproate or lamotrigine.
- Starting up psychotherapy again with the same psychotherapist ( who you can check out here if you would like, I highly recommend her : www.freewebs.com/selfheal/profilecontact.htm )
- picking up keys to my new 2 bed apartment tomorrow, signing tenancy
agreement and others. im very pleased with this property and I feel
like its a substantial progress to my life, somewhere I can relax, I
have my rent fully paid with housing benefit due to obvious health
reasons... im living off my ESA in all honesty, which doesnt cover
everything, so I'm going to put in a claim for income support with the
social welfare officer tomorrow i think.
VISIT MY NEW BLOG bownessandbeyond.blogspot.com/ ITLL BE PRETTY DAMN EXCITING SO FOLLOW IT NOWWWWW >: O!!!
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PS. I just want to say a BIG thank you for all of the new contact adds ! <3 It means a lot, and I promise I'll add you all back xx
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