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Dear Managing Director,

Thank you ever so slightly for reviewing my credential deficient resume for Conference Room Preservationist position as per advertised on Craigslist.

My indifferent responsibilities included all aspects of fabric and pressboard furniture sales, low-rent merchandise handling, and resolving customer service issues, "yes, you want to put 35.89 yards of the Pubic Hair Woven on reserve, do you what a cutting for approval on that, Madam?"

I wore many hats in snail-paced environments and this has utterly enabled me to successfully handle a multiplicity of schizophrenic tasks. I have worked in call center environments pretending to have an accent and tech support for Dragon Systems, eloquently explaining to customers how to use speech to text software. Ah, you have to reformat my hard drive honey and not the good hard drive either, you sassy beast, you!” Moan...You will also find that I am introverted, needy, disorganized, rodent oriented, and unmotivated. “Telecommunication I did it dude” is my motto all the way, I’ll say!

Thank you very little for your sacrosanct time and I look forward and backward to hearing from you, provided that the chemical reagents in my brain are to snuff, so we can attempt to discuss how my past and future experiences can coalesce so that my multiple personalities and I can best meet your needs.

When the past and future have sex the only present they get is the now.

Insignificant regards,

Hulgatha Doodlesack

P.S. I loathe HDR Photography and mediocre hipster wannabees who think they are artists.

Have an average day!

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