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WHAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIFE

Put together two women and a man, and you have drama.
Put together two men and a woman, and you have comedy.

The perfect sandwich: Any sandwich that is made with no intention to be perfect. Nothing can be absolutely perfect without a little flaw.

Whenever the word “dog” is mentioned, everyone thinks of a different breed.

Murphy’s’ law, wouldn’t be effective, if the tire was flat all the time.

The difference between information and knowledge, is the difference between knowing Giselle’ phone number and having actually met Giselle

Never jerk off in a Jacuzzi

Every relationship is set by distance. Whenever distance equals zero, it is called collision.

There will always be a choice that you didn’t make.

The smaller the candle, the bigger the shadow.

A shark, has absolutely no clue that he is mean.

The older you grow, the rawest the steak.

A rocket is always a rocket. Even if it’s facing the ground.

Good taste, is the most aggressive thing in the world.

Never ask someone to be himself. He may actually do it.

Always check if there is enough toilet paper. The only time you will forget to check, there will not be any.

A man with a watch, knows what time it is. A man with two watches, is never sure.

The most effective way to reduce the importance of a subject: Give everyone the opportunity to express his opinion about it.

You never leave a woman for another woman you desire more. You leave her for all the previous women you once desired but you let them go by, because you were trying to be faithful.

About the age of 12, while a boy is playing ball, suddenly realizes that there are girls around, watching. The game is left incomplete. Then we grow up, we become professionals, we make money, we marry the girls. But what we are really trying to achieve, is to finish this damned game.

Five thousand years of civilization just to supress erection!

There are not beautiful and ugly butts. There are pleasant and unpleasant butts.

The time you spent composing a “to-do-list”, could have been spent by doing one of the things you have marked down.

By the time you meet someone, deep inside you already know why you will leave him.

Passion is the talent of the average.

Your best work, is done while you are trying to finish, in order to concentrate to what you think is going to be your best work.

We will never find out what happened when Cinderella tried to redecorate the Palace, after she married the Prince.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.