I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Hungarian refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.

I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a spatula and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail

I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by Man United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

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Name:
Ben Akin-Smith
Joined:
June 2006
Currently:
Bristol
I am:
Male and Taken
Occupation:
Freelance Idiot