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I’ve not always been mad but ... I was actually driven mad by the indifference of the architects and council planners. You see, I live in a tower block. The thing about those is there’s a terrible noise problem because there’s no noise insulation at all and eight floors below you there’s always some bastard who’s got a Yamaha home organ. You’re just about to go to sleep then you hear this “doo doo tch tch doo doo tch tch doo doo tch tch roll out the barrel doo doo tch tch doo doo tch tch we’ll have a barrel of fun doo doo tch tch doo doo tch tch” and like, the people who live upstairs from me, I can’t understand what they’re doing ... I listen and all I can hear is this weird noise that goes “vroom vroom... blehp blehp... vroom vroom... blehp blehp...”. It sounds like two elephants on a motorbike riding round and round while a seal bangs a kipper on the table. I went upstairs to complain and the door was answered by an elephant in a crash helmet. Standing behind him is a seal whacking a kipper on the table going “What is it now Ralph?!”. I don't know, just something cracked inside and I started thinking I was a sponge, you know?



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