Old One Eye's photostream  

I am an imposing figure with a dynamic personality often seen running weekly marathons. I read, write and speak many languages. They include but are not limited to: English, Southern English, Northern English and Valley Girl, each spoken with perfect clarity. I have a full head of flawlessly combed hair in any weather. I am as strong as Arnold Schwarzenegger and as smart as Albert Einstein. I have traveled the world solving global conflicts and preached for better human rights in Asia. I am a novelist writing under the pen name of Tom Clancy. During my lunch break you can see me jumping over buildings in a single bound. I have as much money as Bill Gates and can always spend more than I make. I have a perfectly manicured yard and my house is always clean. My dog never sheds her hair or farts. I am a skilled athlete in baseball, football, soccer, auto racing, tennis, basketball, racquetball, squash and checkers. I fought in the Persian Gulf War and single handedly saved the lives of an entire division of American soldiers. I am a consultant to NASA and have traveled to the moon and back. I have memorized the American tax code and my very own phone number. I frequently advise the President on matters of religion and finance; however since he is a Muslim and a communist he rarely listens. I am adored by women, loved by children and revered by men. I am an amazing chef and often cook seven course meals just for myself. To top it all off, I make minute rice in just under 30 seconds.