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An aspiring physician trying to figure out the world one day at a time...

Sometimes I get suffocated
Suffocated in words
In feelings
Isolated in privilege
The privilege of feeling
Loving
Longing
The privilege of walking
Seeing
The privilege that is walking breathing existence
The privilege of experiencing the sun shine
Feeling each moment every moment
Listening to music
Feeling the rain drops
Laughing
Sleeping
Resting
Laptops classroom
Words suffocate me
They want to come out
All of them
Even the ones that don’t sound good or feel good
Even the ones which don’t talk about happiness
About about suffering
Suffering which exists everywhere
Which exists in our back yards
Most of us just choose not to see it
Live our lives with no worries
The privilege of graduating
The privilege of university education
The car
The engine
As I am driving down 29 to uva I cannot help but feel overwhelmed by the beauty of it all
The mountains, the weather
The powerpoint slides
Knowledge is privilege
Yet education is suffocating
Disease
It is not aids or tb or malaria we have to worry about
It is the disease which has infected our minds
Our souls
The very which makes us human
The disease of apathy
Of uncaring
Of being completely oblvious to everything which goes on
Of living and loving all in a bubble
Oh how nice and comfortable bubbles are
I should know I live in one myself
But I cannot help but think we are all diseased
Diseased in so many ways not detected by biomedicine
Biomedicine and all its roots
Oh how it suffocates me
Oh how its hegemony bothers me
Disease of the mind disease of the soul disease of apathy and of causing direct suffering
Disease of disconnect diseae of isolation the disease of incarceration we are all sick and diseases in every sense of the world there is something fundamentally wrong with us that we can sleep peacefully at night and eat at restaurants and spend money at happy hour when not everyone has such luxuries. Luxury blinds you consumes you cometpely. Suffocated in privilege in luxury. The disease of the heart of a cold cold heart which does not care and feel for others. The disease which make us have selective amnesia. To forget the genocides of so many different people. The eugenics. The stolen dreams. The broken treaties. The lies. Oh the disease of lives that infests our government and our society
Wall street cannot save us from the disease of uncaring but it is what feeds it
Money money everywhere suffocated drowning in the quest for it
As liberated as I want to be we are fundamentally tied to green paper
Dirty green paper
That makes people kill and lie
That makes people forget and die
That makes people loot and rape
Money money money
The world revolves around it
But were we always this way
Did we always not care
And not bother
Were we always sipping our coffee frappucinos
While diseases which should not be killing people were killing rampantly bvgecause of the lack of food shelter clean water
The disparities ache me
It keeps me up and does not let me sleep
I cannot help but feel that something must be done
I feel propelled and called but what I do not know
The suffering is infinite I know and I see
Yet it is so easy to get caught up in the parties
The dancing and the booze
When we have everything to lose
Our souls and our hearts kept in chains through desire for materials
Oh those pair of shoes
Oh how I want them
Oh how I feel suffocated by them
Oh I feel the cold sole aching my sides
Caving in
Shoes clothing paper laptop ipd everywhere
Some sort of perversion of techonology
I do not want to be diseased nemore
Free me from the disease of the mind of the heart and the soul
My soul is bleeding through
Bleeding from the apathy and materialism
Who do live in a consumerist society and not be consumed
What are the diseases which we should protect us against
I would get malaria any day if I could rid my disease of the soul
Oh how health is a privilege wqhen it should be a fundamental right
Does the color of my skin tone determine my life expectancy
Does it determine my mcat score and gpa
Does it tell you my life story
Does the color of my skin confine me to some previously constructed box you have already made for me
What does my body say to you
Does it say to you that come get my I am available
Does it carry a warning sign that says touch with caution
Does my body potray who I am who I long to be who I want to be
Can you tell what makes me happy what makes me cry
Can you look into my eyes and tell that I have been crying
Feeling suffocated and alerinated and isolated with a world of capitalism of lies
Of neoliberalim and colonialilsm and imperaialism
Feeling suffocated of a western education which has given me agency only to make me realize that most of the world does not have that agency
How can I be of the west and hate it at the same time
Do I hate who I am what has become of me
The realization that my critique of the west is what it is but how am I not part of that same western academy
Has my education been built upon dead bodies false proimises and bitter lies
We must not forget the struggle of the past
The blood sweat and hears of every individual in the world
The continuing bleeding of the world
The comfy bubbles of self destruction are caving down on me
I will not be destructed and I cannot live this way
There must be another world
Where there is compassion and care
I cannot live in world where human trafficking is rampant
People are being killed for money and in vain
Women being raped time and time again
Men being emasculated
Societies being destructed
How can we not feel the pain and sorrow which is so rampant around the world
How can we not do something about it
I think of the suffering and the pain the anguish and sometimes I cannot breathe
I cannot sleep and I cannot think but thik that something must be done
Done now done urgently.