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ROSCOE ‘Rocky” PANDA-PANTS
Roscoe Pandapants was born in 1952 to Loretta Pants and Chester Panda, the 8th of 15 children, all of which died in infancy. His humble 3 room log-cabin-style ranch home was in the southwest district of Livermore, Kentucky. The neighborhood was famous for its sausage factories, earlier immortalized by Sinclair Lewis’ racist novel “Cut From the Same Innards”. His youth was spent in various homes and institutions, all of which were unavailable for comment at the time this story was researched. He has made his name in many fields of study and is perhaps best known for the melodic yet stultifying “Simpleton’s Dance”, initially included in 1984 at the premier performance of Hindenmutz’s “What He Said” ballet and fantasy. It was later deleted due to the graphic nature of the animal death scenes (there were 11 of them, only 5 were eventually seen as actual ‘cruelty’).

Panda-pants is known to his close friends and clients at “Captain Pandapants”, and although he has never served in the uniformed services, he was made an honorary “Kentucky Captain” by Mayor Hugo Chumma, at the Sedalia, Kentucky ‘old home day’ parade in 1989. Although he spends much of his time in Kentucky, he has tasted the fruits of many a state and town. Once, he even spent 9 months as a Chemical Taster for the Mobay Co, Inc. in Trenton NJ, where he yearned for the open road--and the open fly! He later found both.


FUN FACTS ABOUT ROSCOE PANDA-PANTS:

His father, Chester Panda, invented Jersey Barriers, perhaps the root of Rocky’s love for Highway Resurfacing memorabilia
He worked for 7 months as a Star Trek Convention entertainer, where he originally coined the phrase ‘get a life’. During this time he also picked up rectal warts from a “Lt. Uhura” look-alike, although he has always said "It was worth it".

His favorite color is puce

His favorite flower is the Gin Blossom

Hobby: Pretending to allow cars to merge at lane closures, the side-swiping them in an attempt to cut them off.