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For goths, always use a short L series lens because they'll appreciate the overwhelmingly black body with the red accent at the front. For albinos, I prefer using a long L series lens because the bodies are mostly white and that makes the albinos feel like they're not being judged.
If you take the lens off the camera and hold it in the sunlight just right, it will light a cigarette, so they both do that...best of all, it uses no batteries.
As far as the macro lens up to a H3d, you didn't say what lens would be on the HD3, so it's difficult to tell. If I were to guess an F stop, I'd probably say F17.
Hope that helps.
Posted 68 months ago.
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Heh. Albinos with cigarette lighters.
Posted 68 months ago.
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Your best bet would be to graft a Summicron f/2.0 onto a Holga that has had an APS-C size sensor installed backwards. This will save you a lot of money on film, plus you'll never need a flash.
Posted 68 months ago.
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@jamesbarnes
What about albino goth's in sporting events, but I mostly shoot weddings.
I've been pro for the last 3 mins now.
Posted 68 months ago.
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@Evermore:
Sir, you have proposed a paradox. Goths are molecularly opposed to the jock ions emitted by sporting events, thus you have presented an impossible situation.
Posted 68 months ago.
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If there ever is a group FAQ, this thread has to be the first entry.
Posted 68 months ago.
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Albino goths probably suffer from even more existential dread than standard goths because the occupational therapy component of painting their faces white is missing. Is there a linear relationship between existential dread and jock ion repelling force?
Posted 68 months ago.
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I can't comment on dread metrics, but I can say that jock ions completely throw off my white balance when dealing with albino goths competing in midnight snowboarding competitions.
Posted 68 months ago.
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Well regardless I'd use the 'nifty-fifty' lens... It's the only lens you will need EVER, regardless of the camera your using... Anyone who doesn't use a prime lens is a total idiot.
Posted 68 months ago.
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A friend of mine once shot an albino. His confusion between a 350D and a Winchester proved to be fatal for the albino. Fortunately, where he lives, albino rats are found in large numbers. By coincidence (or maybe guilt), the white balance on my camera has been out of whack since then.
I can't help you with the goths, I am afraid. No, really. I am afraid of goths. Very afraid. But, the wise men and women of this forum, some of whom may even have seen a goth, will likely help you.
Good luck with your venture. Do not hesitate to ask a follow up question.
Originally posted 68 months ago.
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Java Cafe edited this topic 68 months ago.
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I thought goths couldn't reflect light -- or is that just vampires? This is why no one has seen one in a mirror.
Speaking of vampires -- which would win in the fight: ghost vs vampire?
Posted 68 months ago.
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Just realising -- this explains the Canon colouring scheme for L lenses: Ghost lenses are white and Vampire lenses are black.
Posted 68 months ago.
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Interesting theory, ghost lenses being white would explain the Johnny Unitas Fan Club being on the sidelines of every football game.
Posted 68 months ago.
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I'm wondering if I should get a new lens, or just duct tape a pint glass to my Sony Cybershot. which is more gooderer?
Posted 68 months ago.
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@Michael:
"Is there a linear relationship between existential dread and jock ion repelling force? "
Actually, it's a rectilinear relationship, but the math is way too complicated to detail here on flickr.
Posted 68 months ago.
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@Dan
Of course you could, but you'll still have a conversion factor to worry about depending on whether that's an Imperial pint or U.S. pint.
Posted 68 months ago.
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A lot of people forget about the 1.2008x conversion factor between the two pints.
Posted 68 months ago.
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By the way, should I still use my 2mp Sony Cybershot or upgrade to something like a Polaroid or Nikon D2X.
Posted 68 months ago.
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Look, if you're not shooting with a Kodak Brownie with a -35 - 10,000mm* f/0.1 lens, you're just wasting your time.
*- Good for photographing the back of your head and Alpha Centauri at the same time.
Posted 68 months ago.
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I think the ghost would win. The vampire would fail.
Posted 68 months ago.
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I think the ghost would win, too, because there's nothing there for the vampire to bite...?
Posted 68 months ago.
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So what have we learned today?
Posted 68 months ago.
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I learned that Vermont means "green mountain"
Posted 68 months ago.
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Did you know California means 'hot furnace'?
Posted 68 months ago.
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I started using the blood of small bats on parchment made of human skin to record images lately. I find I get the best IQ, with less CA, but awesome AF with built-in IS.
What if you shot through a metric equivalent pint of blood?
Posted 68 months ago.
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Hold on, which Hasselhoff were thinking of buying?
Posted 68 months ago.
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"Albino goths probably suffer from even more existential dread than standard goths because the occupational therapy component of painting their faces white is missing."
If I had been drinking coffee, it would have be spewed all over my keyboard when I read this. One of the funniest damn things I have read in a while.
Posted 68 months ago.
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I'd go for the Caikon D12345D with FF HDR CCD sensor with Anti-Proton Dust shaker and digital etch-a-sketch back.
Make sure you don't use the flash, as the harmful protons of light will instantly evaporate all of their skin. That is unless you want to command an army of shaky skeletons. That could be cool actually, but I would spraypaint them gold and make them breakdance for money, the ones that can't dance will be out on the streets turning tricks.
That being said, if you want to take the best photo's of goths in the ideal habitat which will preserve the darkness of their soul and the inner turmoil of their unstable and tortured world, use ISO 100, f/2.0, 1/125 leave the lens cap on and have a good nights sleep.
Posted 68 months ago.
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I don't understand why people keep asking the same thing over and over again. Just do a basic search in the group and you'll find it all over the place!
(or was it the group pool?)
Originally posted 68 months ago.
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ChromaticOrb edited this topic 68 months ago.
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Maybe so, but what about the ghosts and vampires?
Posted 68 months ago.
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My money is on the vampire cos he can turn into a bat..
Bats kick ass.. They use sonar to find where they're going and eat moths.
Ghosts just knock things over and moan cos they're clumsy and have a bad education..
Posted 68 months ago.
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Would these be National League vampires or American League vampires? And, further, would they be home plate vampires or third base vampires? Should I use Tri-X or Ilford Delta? Should I use garlic as a fixer?
Posted 68 months ago.
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Well the guy i'm putting my bets on is a mexican wrestling vampire.. He has the teeth, the cape and a red/black/sequined mask. I think he said something about third base, but i wasn't really paying attention and he touched me ... down there..
Posted 68 months ago.
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And as an added bonus, guano makes a great lens/sex lube. Just wipe it on the front element and you're ready for action.
Problems with discomfort and/or vignetting vary with subject.
Posted 68 months ago.
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Now I really don't want to hijack this thread, but since you mention it, are there any advantages of continental guano from Peru over guano from the Pacific? How about species? I read somewhere on a blog that on some lenses you can't focus to infinity anymore if you use bat guano, and with seabird guano you lose autofocus on f/1.2 manual lenses except on 1Ds bodies. Which one is the right one for me? I can give you no more information about my photography style or existing equipment, otherwise I'd have to kill you.
Posted 68 months ago.
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The best guano is from bats with internal haemhorraging. Why?
The red stripes of course ;)
Posted 68 months ago.
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_mpd_ [deleted] says:
Goths are molecularly opposed to the jock ions emitted by sporting events, thus you have presented an impossible situation.
jamesbarnes speaks truth.
It is also true that goths were not present in 1980 in large numbers, therefore time travel to 1980 is your best form of defense against goth vampires. However, given the lack of Deloreans in 2006, you may be eaten by vampires prior to escape. Therefore, I recommend instead that you take lots of pictures of them, and upload them to the internet, in hopes that they grow to appreciate you.
Now, what you really have to worry about are weresheep. Ever since silver bullets became widely available, weresheep are in abundance due to a lack of werewolves. They're everywhere, and there is no where left for ewe to go to escape their baaaaaad mojo.
Originally posted 68 months ago.
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_mpd_ edited this topic 68 months ago.
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I can't believe no one's yet started pimping their photostream here with photos of their goth albino cat shot with their 350D.
I guess things aren't as bad as I thought.
Posted 68 months ago.
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Posted 68 months ago.
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that's a lot of WOW...
Posted 68 months ago.
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This is exactly the reason why I started in photography, in the hope one day to catch a glimpse of a bald, albino, goth cat with one eye a different colour to the other, mohawk and probbaly very cold. My life is fulfilled and i can finally rest easy smoking crack all day long, admiring the A0 poster in my living room of this majestic creature.
Posted 68 months ago.
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So, I’ll take the initiative and sum up the post discussion so that all this valuable knowledge won’t be lost.
1. Plain Goths require a short black L series Canon lens, preferably one that you bought with an inheritance left to you by a beloved relative so that every turn of the barrel causes you some great sense of inescapable sorrow. It should also be noted that black L series canon lenses were originally designed to photograph vampires, which is why they are so effective on Goths.
2. Plain Albinos require a long white bodied L series Canon lens, as this will make them feel comfortable. Remember not to use a black lenshood, as this will eliminate the antichromatic benefits imparted by the white lens body. It should be noted that the white L series canon lenses were developed to photograph ghosts, which is why they are so often used at sporting events.
3. Albino Goths are a particularly sorrowful lot due to the excessive sense of existential dread generated from a lack of the occupational therapy component typically derived from the gothic face painting ritual. Due to this heightened sense of sorrow, it is best to remove the lens entirely before shooting so that each shot is guaranteed to be ruined, thereby fulfilling the morbid expectations of the client.
4. There is no such thing as an Albino Goth Sports-enthusiast. This is due to the fact that Goths are molecularly opposed to Jock Ions emitted during sporting events. While Goths are molecularly repulsed by Jock Ions, there is also a rectilinear relationship between Jock Ions and Albino Gothic existential dread. Because of this rectilinear relationship, if you were to force an albino Goth into a pickup football game, there is a high likelihood that you would open an interdimensional portal. This is quite similar to crossing the streams emitted from ghostbusting proton guns, and should be avoided at all costs.
5. Never white balance with goths or albinos. Your camera will just get all creaped out if you try.
6. There is a 1.2008x crop factor difference between an Imperial and US Pint glass. You must always take this into account when setting up your shot.
7. Ghosts are clumbsy and poorly educated. They also do not have physical throats that can be bitten by a vampire.
8. Vampires can turn into bats and use sonar and that kicks ass, but they still can’t bite ghosts.
9. Vampire Goths did not exist in large numbers in 1980, but if you can find a Delorean (and I know where to find one), and a Mr. Fusion powered flux capacitor, you can escape to 1980 and invent the Canon digital rebel before canon gets to it.
Posted 68 months ago.
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This book is now available on Amazon.com for $4.95 and all proceeds go to the "Let's all buy this book so someone gets rich" charity.
Posted 68 months ago.
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Is this a real thread?
Posted 68 months ago.
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What about this thread would make you think it isn't real? I suppose you would suggest that discussions of albinos, goths, vampires and ghosts are but trivial banter?
Posted 68 months ago.
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This thread does not exist and is not real. return to what you were doing.
Posted 68 months ago.
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:-)
Posted 68 months ago.
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Bastards.
Posted 68 months ago.
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That cat is proof that this is a real thread. Now I have to get a black and a white L lens and carry them around with me at all times, in case I have the chance to photograph a Goth, an Albino or an Albino Goth... You never know when you get your only chance.
Posted 68 months ago.
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If I have a black L prime and wrap white paper around it will I be able to photograph albinos or would that just piss off the goth vampires?
Posted 68 months ago.
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What does the red-stripe at the end of an L get me? I wonder if I'll get more attitude and sass out of the vampires as it matches the color of their favorite night-time beverage...
Posted 68 months ago.
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Perhaps. But vampires who prefer Budweiser to Red Stripe may be offended.
Posted 68 months ago.
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No vampire prefers budweiser...they're just resigned to drinking it after they murder all the fratparty attendees.
Posted 68 months ago.
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_mpd_ [deleted] says:
Bloodweiser.
Posted 68 months ago.
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brilliant
Posted 68 months ago.
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Ha! :D
Posted 68 months ago.
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Let me clear this whole mess up.
If looking to take pictures of goths, simply go to the nearest mall and once inside yell (preferably in angry tone, though not a necessity) "i'm from hell". Whip out your 350D or Polaroid (which ever has the best white balance at the time) and start taking action shots of the goths running toward you while the jocks running the hell away from you.
As far as albinos, take the lens off the mount and start firing. Little known trick Canon doesn't want you to know
Vampires? The aformentioned black on black theory is mostly correct, however if you were sporting your 70-200L lens for some odd reason (I mean, it's happened once I'm sure) then quickly just electrical tape your lens. It's simply and effective at all but 400 ISO.
Posted 68 months ago.
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I'm a newbie to this discussion, but I understood that the red accent at the front of the L lens is a colour balance meter for people who wish to photograph goths at summer rock festivals, when they expose their faces to the sun for the first time in the year. Once the colour of the goth's face matches the red mark, he/she is too sunburnt and will no longer resemble a goth. Subsequent goth photography would be futile.
Please don't flame me for making such an obvious remark.
Posted 68 months ago.
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No Chas the red line on L lenses simply allows Canon to add two more zeros to the price tag, that's all. It's not a goth (either sunburnt or regular crispy) related feature, that's just a side benefit.
Posted 68 months ago.
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