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"My fight to save my daughters" : Mitu's story
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I got married to on 28th November 2004.The day after my engagement my sister in law sent me an SMS saying that she hates me and I should not send her any photos of my engagement. I doubt if I had hardly ever interacted with her.
On the third day after my marriage, my mother in law told me that they never liked me, but they agreed to this match as a compromise. According to her the compromise was because of my husband`s increasing age. But now looking back, I wonder was it also because of his addiction to pornography, or other reasons which became clear to me after marriage.. During the period that followed our marriage, I was kept under total house arrest. After I came back from hospital (where I was working), I was not even allowed to go to the local market. My husband used to totally ignore me. In addition, whenever he used to talk to me, it used to be to shout at me for some or other reason.
In the meantime, my mother in law started demanding a Honda city car, a flat , and a permanent place in my father's clinic for my husband. However, my father being a self-made man never agreed to this. My husband frequently asked me what has he got from marrying me Then they would have given much more to their daughter in dowry. When ever my husband used to abuse me , my mother in law would tell me that I should silently listen to all abuses because I was a woman, and in their house women don't speak. She also never allowed me to sit with my husband saying that men are allowed to come to their wives only in the night. My husband was addicted to pornography and spent most of his time watching pornography on computer.
I became pregnant in Jan2005.i was on duty in my hospital when I developed threatened abortion. The doctor on duty advised me to go on complete bed rest. I asked my husband to come and pick me up, as I was not allowed to walk even. He fought with me and asked me to drive back home. I had to call my parents in order to save my pregnancy. They came and picked me up and dropped me to my in laws house. This was not liked by my husband, who again fought with me till late in the night.
Verbal ,physical, and mental abuses on me by my husband and my mother in law increased. I developed threatened abortion due to which I was put on strict bed rest. The verbal abuse by my husband continued. The refrigerator was shifted downstairs so that I was dependent even for water or food. I was always blamed for not asking my father to send my husband patients. My husband went to the extent of asking me to ask my father for one patient for every night he spends with me, failing which my mother in law banned that I could not close the doors of the bedroom at night. Though I was on complete bed rest as adviced by doctors due to threatened abortion, I was expected to do all the household work, as there was no servant in the house.
An ultrasound conducted in 6th week of pregnancy showed that I was carrying twin babies. Then my mother in law started demanding sex determination. My in laws and husband got that done by deception. They knew I was allergic to egg. The fed me egg laden cake, telling me that it was eggless. When I became sick I wanted to have treatment with consent of my husband at home, but he took me a hospital. He and his mother accompanied me. They got me admitted there, and then gave a call to my mother asking her to come. The doctor advised K.U.B (Kidney, ureter, bladder).ultrasound, but the report mentions K.U.B. only in two lines, rest all is fetal ultrasound. (copies of all details I have with me, which I can produce )
Then they started demanding that I get an M.T.P. My mother in law asked me many times to at least get one child killed in utero. I was kept without food and water. My husband was totally ignoring me and was indulging in watching pornography all the time. My husband once, on my protesting against his addiction to pornography, turned me out of the house at 10.p.m. in the night and asked me to go to my fathers house. He said "ja aapne baap ke ghar ja" when I asked him to at least take my mobile, or my car keys, as where I would go in pregnancy, to which he replied "is ghar se kisi cheez ko haath lagaya to thapar parega". My father in law intervened and asked my husband to let me stay the night, and morning he could send me to my parents.
On 17 May 2004, after one such verbal abuse throughout the night, I developed bleeding and threatened abortion, I was not even allowed to call up my parents for medical help. I managed to call up my father in the morning. After much persuasion by my father, my husband agreed to take me to the nursing home, but he drove too rashly on the entire drive .Thrice they tried to kill me or at least get me aborted after which my father brought me back to my parent's home.
My mother in law told me that two daughters would be a big burden on them, and that I should give one of them up for adoption, get them aborted, or at least one of them killed.
My in laws and husband hardly ever accompanied me for antenatal tests or hospital visits after they came to know I am carrying daughters. My mother did all that. My husband would frequently fight with me even in my parents house .He demanded D.N.A test because his mother had told him that some priest had told them that he would be father of one son only. As I am carrying two daughters, they cannot be his children. I had filed a complaint to S.H.O, but it was only for information, and I had requested no action to be taken.
Despite all this tensions, I delivered two-pre term daughters on 11/08/2005.My in laws never visited me for full 9 days. Then my sister in laws , my mother in law, and my father in law came to visit me. One of my aunts congratulated my sisters in law. They said "God forbid, we ever become bhuas of girls again" .My mother in law said, "Anyway, they are born in seventh month so they are not going to survive anyway". My younger daughter stayed in the nursery for almost one month. They did not try to pay the hospital bills also, which were paid by my parents.
I tried multiple times to go back to my in laws house. However, there a lot of verbal abuse, I had no help in looking after children. There was no love or respect for children or me. I was not even sure my children and I would be safe there. My mother in law deliberately pushed down my 4-month-old daughter from the staircase and pretended it was an accident.Fortunately I was able to hold her carrying cot and save her harm. They never showed any love or affection towards them. Their grandparents & aunts, have rejected them totally.
My case has been registered in Crime against Women Cell, but I started receiving threatening calls, from people claiming to be inspectors from CAW, asking me to withdraw my case against my in laws. During this period I met Mrs Bijaya Laxmi Nanda, campaign coordinator, C.A.P.F. and was able to get support from her. I also through the campaign shared my story with students of various colleges in Delhi university, in order to raise awareness on the issue of female feticide and gender equality.
However, my sister in law and mother in law were still making it difficult for me to return to my in laws or live peacefully with my daughters. My sister in law s marriage got fixed up in Jan07. In order that there is no hindrance to her marriage getting fixed, I had allowed my complaint file to be temporarily closed. Before her marriage, my sister in law had demanded that my parents give her a Honda city car in her marriage as a gift. I resisted this demand to which my father in law asked me "what is your father doing with three cars? Why can't he give one nice luxury car to us?" She got married in may07 after which I expected I could restart my family life. However, she left her in laws house on 3rd day of marriage and has come back to her parent's house, where she is staying up until now. Now she is blaming me of breaking her marriage because we did not meet her demand for Honda city car.
She starting abusing me whenever I tried to go to my in laws house and had been sending me abusive e-mails. She has told her parents to stop giving me food when I come home. She has been openly saying that she hates my innocent daughters and me. So again, I started staying in my parent's house.
My husband used to come sometimes to meet the children, and I thought he is developing some affection towards them.. He has never lifted his voice against the injustice being done to his wife and children. On the other hand, he has several times fought with me over the demands made by them. He has been fighting with me whenever I would ask for more time, money, or mental and emotional support for children and me. He has never tried that his parents and sisters accept my children and me. My husband had been trying to spy on my movements since a long time. It started by his installing spy ware on my computer, to bribing our maids, to pass him information regarding my movements.
Madam, I received a call on my residence telephone , at around 5; 30 p.m on 30 October 2007. The caller said - "aapko apne bachon ki zindagi se pyar nahin hai kya , aap khurana sahib se pange kyun le rahe ho" and then kept down the phone. Madam, my husband has been saying since last four days (i.e. before the call) that he is having an intuition that there is threat of kidnapping to our daughters. Madam, this is the third threatening call which I have received in the last three years(since my marriage) last one was received on 29th November 2006, in which the caller threatened I and my daughters will be killed if I continue the relationship with my husband Madam, there has been a constant threat to my daughters right from the time before their birth, when my in laws had got sex determination done , and tried there best to get me aborted. Even after their birth, they have not been accepted or shown any love by their paternal grandparents or their paternal aunts. However, throughout I have been trying that my daughters get their father, and that their paternal grandparents accept them.
Madam, we have given the F.I.R. to S.H.O We had been called by S.H.O. .My husband was also called. In front of the police inspector, my husband stated that I am torturing him, and am not living with him. In addition, am in fact making him go to women cell, however I have always been asking only for counseling and no action to be taken because I wanted a father for my children. I have been staying with my parents for past 2 years or so, for the sake of security of my daughters. I have repeatedly tried to make peace with my in laws. So far, I have failed in all my attempts. As a Indian woman, I am also under a lot of social pressure to return to my husband.
Madam, so when S.H.O. also asked me to take a separate house with my husband and live with him and my husband verbally promised me to mend his ways, and agreed to take full responsibility for our safety and security if I shift with him. He asked for one last chance to mend his ways. I was tempted to give him that chance for the sake of my daughters. At this point I also underwent counseling from NavJyoti counseling center.
My husband started calling me a prostitute and said that I go for "dhandha" every evening & that is how I am buying new clothes for my self and my children.
On 14/01/08, my sister in law called me on my landline number , call was made from her landline. She was very abusive and has accused me of having an affair with her husband , against whom she has filed a case under domestic violence act. They are putting all these allegations on me only to mentally torture me. My sister in law has left her in laws house within 3 days of her marriage, and has come back to my house. Now she has banned me entry into my in laws house. My husband and in laws are putting baseless allegations on me in order to mentally torture me.
Madam, till before two months, my husband has been a regular visitor to my parents and relatives houses. He has been openly and freely using telephones, mobiles, and computer from our house. Now he has started threatening me that he is going to send me and my family to jail for a minimum of 5 years if I do not withdraw my complaints against him and his family. I do not know what he has been doing. Last week he said that certain e-mails have been sent from my maternal uncle's computer to his sister. I do not have any knowledge regarding those mails, nor does anyone in my family. He is not even ready to show us the printouts. I feel we are being trapped.
my husband had put two conditions on me for me to settle into a separate house with him. The two conditions are
1) that I break away from all my relatives including my parents and siblings – Madam, here it is to be noted that it is my parents who have been supporting me mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially for the past 3 years since my in laws had been demanding that I get my daughters killed in utero. Madam it was only because of my parents and relatives that I had been able to bring my daughters into this world, and it is only because of their efforts that all three of us( myself and my 2 daughters ) are alive today. My in laws would have got us killed long ago. Their paternal family members have not yet accepted my daughters. For past 2-3 months, their father had also deserted us completely. Whenever my sister in law and mother in law, instructs my husband, he completely abandons us, and stops visiting us also. We are at their mercy. It is only my parents who support us mentally and emotionally during those periods of abandonment. Financially too it is my parents who have been supporting children and me for past 3 years. My husband does not pay or give me allowances for the children or myself.
2) my husband is pressurizing me to file a false against his brother in law- against whom they have filed a case under domestic violence act My in laws have been falsely accusing me of having an affair with him. Now my husband is saying that if you are not having any affair with him, then you come to the police station and file a case of defamation and mental harassment against him.
3) He asked for a Honda city car from one of my cousins, as a payment to settle my life.
4) He asked me to withdraw all complaints made by me against him and his family members.
After much persuasion by friends and family, my husband agreed to take me into the rented accommodation without any conditions. I settled the whole home, buying everything from a spoon, to a broom, to even a bed for children, two Almirahs, curtains, and many other daily needs things. For this, I had to take finances from my parents as my husband refused to give them. Still we thought it is a small price to pay for settling three lives.
I had shifted out with my husband on 26/3/08, into rented accommodation. On the first night itself, he told me that he hates me and he is living with me only because I am not ready to divorce him, and he feels he will never get divorce if he contests it. On 27/03/08, he asked me to prepare dinner, which I did. Then I came back to my parent's house as per his instructions. He said he will pick me up at 10.00p.m. at around 10 p.m. when I called him up to ask him when is he going to come, his sister picked up the phone, and started abusing me and accusing me of damaging her married life. She asked me to deposit the compensation in her bank account for it or she will destroy children's life and mine. and then i was turned out in the middle of the night
Originally posted at 7:11PM, 28 April 2008 PDT
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rita banerji (a group admin) edited this topic 46 months ago.
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I have been a part of the exact same scenario maybe even worse but a little earlier in time.
Its very sad that highly educated and well off people behave even worse than animals.
Cases like these if gone via the legal aspect take years However what i've heard that the womens cell has been very efficient in thier efforts generally.
Personally, situations like these can be very traumatising and its even wose for the kinds when they are growing up(at least what I've felt).
This situation HAS to be dealt with an Iron hand. I could decipher at least 7 legal offences there if not more.
Posted 50 months ago.
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Hello Mitu,
I sent you an email and then found this posting by you on flickr.
First of all -- you are an extremely strong person to come out and speak about this issue and tell people what is being done to you. There are thousands of women in this kind of situation who are too afraid to speak up -- or perhaps they feel the need to stay within traditional boundaries and remain submissive.
But you must know that WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS EXEMPLARY -- AND THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY. YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT JUSTICE WILL BE DONE, THE LAW IS ON YOUR SIDE -- AND ALL OF US IN THIS CAMPAIGN ARE WITH YOU.
However, it seems your emails are being tracked. So this is what you must do. Go to an internet cafe -- open a new email account for all communications about your case. Make sure that no aspect of your personal i.d. or name is used either in the email address or in your application. Make sure that you never open this email address on your personal computer -- and then email us at 50millionmissing@gmail.com
Posted 50 months ago.
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ACCORDING TO MY PERSONAL VIEW:
"As a Indian woman, I am also under a lot of social pressure to return to my husband"
Just ditch your Indian woman thoughts.
Its really crazy in knowing that how even well educated woman are being foolish in this country. I'm a male. But I'm really worried to see all these things happened in your life.
You (female) are always trying to get freedom from male which is totally wrong. male has no any rights to give independence to a female. The freedom is being with you itself. don't run behind any male for your own freedom and by doing this don't make any male bigger than a female.
Just be as a human being first - instead of foolish "Indian woman".
You are a doctor. Your individual income will be more than enough to give a good life to your lovable daughters in India.
I think most of the problems aroused due to your "Indian woman" sort of thoughts. Due to that you forced to be with an animal (I'm sorry to say like this. But your husband is not a human he is an animal only) for all these years.
I can understand that how you got tortured during the period of living with your husband in your in-laws home. I'm sorry. Why U lived there in sacrificing all these abuses??. Cant you live without your husband and parents in this world?. Are you born only for crying to beg and run behind your husband or your parents??.
Just be brave. be a strong female. You have every bit of strength to give wonderful life to your sweet daughters and you.
Just come out of your independent house (taken for living with your husband), live with your parents until you give your husband a proper and serious punishment through court for the abuses he made towards you and your daughters.
After that, come out of your parents too. Live in your own income and be a very good mother to your sweet daughters.
After this, If possible, and If you see any decent lovable human soul in this world join your hands with him to the rest of your life.
Best of luck.
ALL OF US IN THIS CAMPAIGN ARE WITH YOU. DON'T WORRY. YOU HAVE 100s of sisters and brothers here!.
Regarding e-mail handling: Rita is correct, first make an alternative e-mail account from an internet cafe.
Then, Better you can close out your present e-mail address by informing the "e-mail service provider". If you use any free e-mail account like yahoo or gmail, you can give away your e-mail account to the service provider to close your free account. and you can keep the record of that. Even if your husband open a new e-mail account in your name, you can use the records of closing as an evidence.
Note : I know that I used hard words in my posting. But I tend to do so because of my angry on the cheating Indian society. The Indian society always gives tons of rules to female only and they became addicted to known as a "Indian woman" even though it gives pain to them.
As I read somewhere in OSHO's words, every Human is showing more interest mentally in their deep soul to worries or sadness only - more than happiness and joy. This is an addiction in the human inner soul. Due to this addiction only, all female loving to known as an "Indian woman" even they got lot of troubles in following that.
Originally posted 50 months ago.
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© Sakthivel edited this topic 50 months ago.
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Dear Mitu,
Know that if you were to take decisions where you and your daughters needed help, I am sure many here, thru Rita, will forward it. I will.
Be courageous, to many of us, you are far, but you are not alone.
Posted 50 months ago.
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U need not think of a remarriage. TIME will decide that.
And just let him into jail, don't try to take revenge on him, that will spoil ur life and ur children life in taking your precious time. Put him in jail by court activities and get divorce and concentrate on your kids. Help some others who is suffering like these in the society.
If you take revenge on him, there will not be any difference between him and U.
Posted 50 months ago.
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Mitu: Where are you located?
You are extremely strong and brave and have a good grasp of the situation and its injustice. You do have a life outside of being "an Indian woman," as others have said. Are things better at your parents'? or are they not sympathetic either? we know how difficult and judgmental Indian families can be.
Posted 50 months ago.
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I think Mitu's concern about how the courts decide on the custody of the girls is justified.
The Indian courts still (strangely) regard the father as the 'natural guardian' and grant him custody. So I think Mitu's fear is that the husband will (out of spite) demand custody of the girls if she takes legal action. So she has asked him to sign a paper saying he won't do that -- and in return she won't press charges.
But he is withholding because he most probably wants to keep that as a weapon of blackmail.
Mitu: You are absolutely right in trying to get that written agreement on that from him -- and then you can decide what to do.
_______________________________________________
For everyone's information -- the Indian Courts recognize the father as the rightful and 'natural' guardian of the child. In a recent judgment the Supreme Court refused to accept that the mother should be given any priority. So Mitu's concern is valid.
timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/498442.cms
(But there are judges Mitu with common sense -- and there are ways around things. We'll figure it out in time.)
Originally posted 50 months ago.
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rita banerji (a group admin) edited this topic 50 months ago.
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This is one interesting case (in the book with the link below), and it spells out: that if the father has not been functioning as parent he can be denied guardianship.
However, I think Mitu -- your husband is a very clever man. He did not support you or your children for the last 3 years but kept visiting you at your parents house (so he can claim that he was involved). Yet if you try to stop him from visiting -- he can claim that he tried but you wouldn't let him. I think you need a definite legal strategy on how to handle this.
books.google.co.in/books?id=pl7OrnyB8koC&pg=PA239&...
Originally posted 50 months ago.
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rita banerji (a group admin) edited this topic 50 months ago.
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Sakthivel, strange way of interpreting her words!?!? Though I recognize the fact that maybe in India, a woman feels immense pressure not to rock any tree, even legal, even for the sake of her little children, lest she'd be ostracized as a trouble maker, ie.a revengeful wife.
Mitu, by showing courage and determination, and not being afraid to speak aloud, gathering as much suport and help as you can, from family, counsels and friends, I think you will see to the end of this to the advantage of your little daughters. And in time, you wil help many other women and girls with such predicament.
Originally posted 50 months ago.
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kinginexile edited this topic 50 months ago.
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@ Mitu
I would suggest
dont make this thing public anymore.
It can be taken care of very well without it going to the media and just by the Womens Cell. Media Should Be the last resort. Personally Going public on thins might not be a good idea for anyone.
Im working with the press. and use the media only in the worse case scenario
God Bless
Posted 50 months ago.
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Mitu thanks for telling your story. What is wrong with India? Keep your daughters and yourself safe! Seek help in fighting for your rights don´t fight alone!
Kartik-Dhar if everyone should keep quiet and not go public what is going to change in India? How long are india going to be a stone aged country?
(or have I missunderstanded you...)
Originally posted 50 months ago.
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Lars-Gunnar Svärd edited this topic 50 months ago.
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I agree with Lars-Gunnar. There are more than a million female fetuses aborted in India every year only because the parents don't want daughters. Over and over again -- NGOs working with issues of female feticide and infanticide have found that the women have no reproductive rights. They have no say in the use of contraception, they have no say in whether or not they want sex (India does not even entertain the idea of marital rape). Many women are forced to undergo ultrasounds and then abortions if the fetus is female, and in villages women are unable to prevent the husbands and in-laws from killing their baby girls after they are born.
India holds family so sacred -- that women and girls are forced into silence about these horrible secrets in their families. In other words India sacrifices the lives of its women and girl children -- just so that as a nation it can save face!!
Ultimately the dignity and worth of any country is not in what it hides but in what it is. It is therefore important that we change those things that we are not proud of -- and become what we want to be. But change is not going to come by hiding dirty family secrets the way we are taught to do in India. It will come only when victims speak out -- publicly -- like Mitu has, and demand change. And when one woman speaks out -- others have the courage to do the same. So keep talking Mitu! Your one case will make a difference to many women -- I can promise you that!
Originally posted 50 months ago.
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rita banerji (a group admin) edited this topic 50 months ago.
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I agree with you Lars-Gunnar.
This issue should not be kept secret. Speaking openly about this social tragedy, and the awareness of gender based violence being wrong, is the first step towards a hopeful social change in India. And this very much needed social change is nothing to do with being less Indian, more westernised or loosing your roots.
Originally posted 50 months ago.
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llanosom edited this topic 50 months ago.
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I am trying to come out, not only for the security and safety of my children, (more people know about it, more difficult it will be to escape after harming them), but also as a form of encouragement for women who want to fight , but lack the guts.
Posted 50 months ago.
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To Mitu (or to any other woman reading this):
If you have been abused by your husband and inlaws for dowry or for any other reason. If you have been forced to undergo an ultrasound to detect the gender of your child. If you have then been pressurized to abort your female fetus or put under pressure to do so. If you have been threatened and blackmailed into doing anything you did not want to do. Know that these are all crimes under various sections of the Indian law.
Ask yourself this: Would you allow a stranger to subject you to the kinds of abuse or treatment you get from your husband or in-laws? If the answer is No then there is no reason why you should take it from your husband or in-laws. These are some of the laws you need to be aware of. Write if you have questions.
Section 315. Act done with intent to prevent child being born alive or to cause it to die after birth
Whoever before the birth of any child does any act with the intention of thereby preventing that child from being born alive or causing it to die after its birth, and does by such prevent that child from being born alive, or causes it to die after its birth, shall, if such act be not caused in good faith for the purpose of saving the life of the mother, be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to ten years, or with fine, or with both.
Section 316. Causing death of quick unborn child by act amounting to culpable homicide
Whoever does any act under such circumstances, that if he thereby caused death he would be guilty of culpable homicide, and does by such act cause the death of a quick unborn child, shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to ten years, and shall also be liable to fine.
Illustration.
A, knowing that he is likely to cause the death of a pregnant woman, does an act which, if it caused the death of the woman, would amount to culpable homicide. The woman is injured, but does not die, but the death of an unborn quick child with which she is pregnant is thereby caused. A is guilty of the offence defined in this section.
498A. Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty.
Whoever, being the husband or the relative of the husband of a woman, subjects such woman to cruelty shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to three years and shall also be liable to fine.
Explanation-For the purpose of this section, "cruelty" means-
(a) Any willful conduct which is of such a nature as is likely to drive the woman to commit suicide or to cause grave injury or danger to life, limb or health whether mental or physical) of the woman; or
(b) Harassment of the woman where such harassment is with a view to coercing her or any person related to her to meet any unlawful demand for any property or valuable security or is on account of failure by her or any person related to her meet such demand.]
Originally posted 49 months ago.
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rita banerji (a group admin) edited this topic 49 months ago.
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We got some excellent news from Mitu. For the last few months she has been trying to prosecute under the P.N.D.T law (the Pre-Natal Diagnostic Test) her in-laws, husband, and the hospital that performed the fetal ultra-sound to determine the gender of her babies. In the process she faced a lot of harassment from various sectors including police, the CBI, the courts, and various individuals connected to this issue. However, she persisted, and in the process a number of clinics that were illegally conducting the gender determination test were closed down.
Yesterday I got news from Mitu that the hospital that had an arrangement with her in-laws to secretly test her for the gender of her fetuses while she was pregnant, was also sealed! And the cases against her in-laws and husband for violation of the PNDT are also underway. I think this is the first time -- in the 12 years since the PNDT law was enforced that a woman has fought against its violation in a personal case -- and lets hope it will set a precedent for other women to similarly come forward and demand justice. We are glad Mitu persisted -- despite everything. And we give her our support in continuing to see this to a just end.
Posted 47 months ago.
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Wow thats great.
At least in a way. I dont know if its good to weaken the already weak healthcare system by closing down whole hospitals only because one doctor there commited a crime.
Shouldnt it be enough to punish only the actual criminals? Of course if the whole staff was involved then shut down the whole place.
Thanks for the update. There is hope :-)
Originally posted 47 months ago.
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skypecaptain edited this topic 47 months ago.
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No -- not the hospital. Only their ultrasound clinic I'd think.
Posted 47 months ago.
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Excellent :-)
I can imagine that its a quite inspiring example. Lets just hope it gets publicised a lot so that many more victims are encouraged to fight back.
Posted 47 months ago.
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I am sorry to say but yesterday when i went to the dierector P.N.D.T, he told me that all those hospitals have been again de sealed. also that the hospital where my case was done, was sealed on some flimsy excuse of improper format of form F and not for my case, and that too has been reopened.
my case still is lying in their books. nothing more.
Posted 47 months ago.
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However Mitu brought to our notice the organization called DCW (the Delhi Commission for Women) that has an online provision for taking complaints regarding PNDT violation and dowry harassment.
So if you are in Delhi and you need to make a complaint here is website dcw.delhigovt.nic.in/
Originally posted 47 months ago.
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rita banerji (a group admin) edited this topic 47 months ago.
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In August Mitu wants to send a letter to the Minister of Health:
This is what she wrote in another link:
It is well known fact that sex ratios are continuously declining and it is only a handful of women who have complaint against being forced for sex determination which in itself is punishable by law.
despite the fact that government is making such huge claims regarding the fact that it is trying to curb the menace of female feticide; my experience is showing a dismal picture of the P.N.D.T department.
I had complaint tht sex determination of my unborn twin daughters was done, which in itself is a violation of the P.N.D.T act. Also that my husband and in laws tried their best to kill me and my daughters. I managed to save them by running from my in laws house.
I had also sent a copy to the prime minister. Thinking that perhaps, if GOVERMENT makes so big claims, you will surely help me bring the guilty to book. This was sent on 10th of April 2008. This was followed by a number of e mails to your e mail address shown on internet as your official address.
In fact before coming to you, I had been to the residence of Dr Puneet Bedi, who is a member of core monitoring committee. He just took all my statements as that of a victim and refused to take me seriously. Also he warned me that in case I file the case, the concerned hospital being a big hospital, I will start receiving threats and bribe and finally I will settle with my husband and the case will be no where.
It was followed by a letter to the appropriate authorities (C.D.M.O. North West Delhi); along with copies to P.N.D.T department, Nirman Bhawan on 9th may 2008.
When no one even called me to enquire about the case, I filed an R.T.I as to what has been done on my complaint. Than a raid was conducted on the said hospital on 3rd June 2008. (I.e 2 months after my initial complaint on 10th April.) I got the answer that the central P.N.D.T department has conducted the raid, and then again there was silence. Finally I received a registered letter dated 16/7/8 from C.D.M.O North West Delhi (only in response to R.T.I) that the hospital had been raided (already conveyed in June 2008) and no form F was found for the USG done in that hospital. (This is a violation of the P.N.D.T act. )
This also stated that a show cause notice has already been sent to the doctor. (That means the notice was sent before 16/7/8. I was also asked to appear before the authorities within 15 days. I went there on 29/7/8 (i.e. within 15 days of the receipt of the letter) at 10;30 a.m.
I asked about the value of my statement in this case, wherein I was told that the law needs to be explored. I was also suggested that I should not do anything in the spirit of youth, which I `ll repent later. I was also told that I should try to reconcile with my husband, and the wish for a son was not something I could not fulfil, as I could always get pregnant again.
I was also asked the benefit I’ll be getting if the ultrasound machine is sealed, as the ultrasound machine was a very useful tool in the diagnostics, and someone could have to suffer for the eventuality of the ultrasound machine being sealed. Lastly I was advised to inform the office, in case of resettlement with my husband, so that the doctors are not troubled.
After that again no action was taken. I had to give the matter in media, a notice was sent to me on 6/8/8 asking me to appear before the enquiry committee on 12/8/8. (By now 5 months have already lapsed after my initial complaint). Here also I was told that it will take months for the enquiry committee to arrive at any conclusion. And also I was asked if I have any direct evidence against the hospital. Sir the very fact that the gynaecologist had asked for only kidney, ureter, bladder ultrasound, which was not done properly, but a detailed report of the foetal ultrasound is given. Also that it is the same office which has given in reply to R.T.I that form F was not filled. (Which is mandatory under P.N.D.T ACT)
After my meeting and after waiting all this time only to be told that the case may not be filed at all. It seems that either the authorities are not serious in the claims that they are taking the matter of declining sex ratio seriously or certain people are trying to shield the doctor or the hospital. The only thing which is being done is to convince me somehow to withdraw the case.
Sir, on one side you implore people to come out and report sex determination, and on other side if I am daring to come out and report I am being treated as a criminal. Sir it is not surprising that no woman dares to come out and report sex determination. And I am sure even if some woman does she will either silenced, or the file will be dumped on the pretext of conducting enquiry. Sir when it has been established that no form F was filled, and a show case notice was sent to the doctor more than one month ago, than what’s the point of appointing a enquiry committee now. And if that’s the trend, why was it not done earlier. Why is the complaint being taken as something to be noted when there is no other work? Why is it not being taken seriously?
the government is not at all serious about saving the girl child. Rather dump the P.N.D.T act. Increasing the punishment will achieve nothing, because it is your government people who see to it that nobody is convicted.
My case is already in the media and a public knowledge and the way your government deals with this case will make the difference weather any other woman comes forward or not.
it is better not to waste so much of public money for the issue of saving the girl child, when nothing is being done and all that’s being done is to discourage women from filling complaints. If this is the way P.N.D.T work, despite the fact that they do not have many cases, I do not see any use of their being present at all. DAUGHTERS ARE DYING ANYWAY, AND NOBODY REALLY BOTHERS….
Hoping things will change and someone will really practise what is preached. Hope some one will take action before me and my daughters are killed, which can happen anytime, as neither police nor P.N.D.T department has anything to do with our safety.
Originally posted 46 months ago.
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rita banerji (a group admin) edited this topic 46 months ago.
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Dear Mitu,
I read about your story in the newspaper today (Mumbai Mirror 19/08/2008). I think it is good that you sought media attention for this very important issue. As well as for your personal safety. Although I am not an expert, I think that at this point your safety and that of your girls is best protected by being visible. In your moments of dispair please remember that what you did and are doing is an act of immense courage and importance. Still way too many women in India feel they should suffer the abuses of husbands and in-laws and remain silent, you give them the courage to stand up and demand justice for themselves (and their children). India's women (and a lot of men, I am sure) will be thankful for that. Wish you, your girls and parents lots of luck and strength. Sanne
Posted 46 months ago.
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Here is the article that Sanne read:
epaper.timesofindia.com/Repository/ml.asp?Ref=TU1JUi8yMDA...
Posted 46 months ago.
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The good news is that other women are also coming forward, like Mitu. BBC reports here that Vaijanti in Agra and Jasbir Kaur in Jaipur who were similarly being pressurized to abort their female babies by their husbands and in-laws also chose to leave their marital homes, have their babies and are fighting for justice.
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7570192.stm
Posted 46 months ago.
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it's good to know of other perople fighting this battle. i wonder if there is any way i could contact them
Posted 46 months ago.
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Here's another case of a woman who was also forced to abort her twin daughters.
www.topix.com/forum/in/bangalore/TVKIQDA662ALSMEFM
It is reported that Pooja Salot in Ahmedabad filed a complaint against her husband and in-laws of being forced to terminate her pregnancies because she was carrying girls.
We are trying to locate Pooja Salot. If anyone knows of her please to contact us at 50millionmissing@gmail.com
"The mother of twins has filed a police complaint against her husband and in-laws for forcing her to twice abort a girl child.
Pooja Salot, living separately with her 10-year-olds for the past month, hasn’t marched down the streets half-naked, like Pooja Chauhan did in Rajkot earlier this month, but both are united in the aim to bring their tormentors at home to shame.
“My in-laws forced me to abort twice. I could not fight then because I was too young and was too worried about my daughters,” said the 32-year-old married for 11 years. Pooja is also determined to fight a divorce notice.
The courage to file the complaint came from daughters Dhwani and Dhruvi, who told their mother that it was time to speak out against the “mental and physical torture”.
Posted 45 months ago.
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today i had been summoned to police station with a simillar proposal as pooja salot . my in laws are ready to give me a flat in my name and money for withdrawing all cases. this is what P.N.D.T authorities are waiting for and not registering a case. i told the officer- that i and my children are not for sale... she said i am tryig to give you something else you loose everything. laws are meant only for books, in truth nothing happens. i was angry by then and told her to put a lock in front of the crime against women cell.
i am only asking for a undertaking of security and safety and dignity from my in laws and husband , and if they are not ready to give it, then they have to learn that women are not garbage. if not the soft way-than i am ready to fight for it in the court. for my and daughters safety,security and dignity. i`ll get my daughters thier rightfull place. and we are not for sale. this is specially written for my husband and every man , who thinks they can do anything and get away with money.
Posted 45 months ago.
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"i am only asking for a undertaking of security and safety and dignity from my in laws and husband , and if they are not ready to give it, then they have to learn that women are not garbage."
i think this is a very sensible request, that should be fulfilled. i have heard though that, according to some crazy Indian laws, the wives are somehow legally bound to their inlaws and are prevented from living in a separate household. i am not sure how correct this is and how much such laws may impeach you from obtaining what you are hoping for.
i think your choice of not giving up the fight merely for money is very commendable. on the other hand, be prudent in this issue and consider other options in the case you will feel that your family or yourself are in danger.
Posted 45 months ago.
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Hang in there Mitu -- and hopefully someday you will be a source of courage for other women whose cases have 'disappeared' to come out and tell what really happened to them too.
The lesson that women are not garbage is not just for people like your husband and in-laws but it is for the Indian system and India society as well!
I commend your courage...and we are with you.
Posted 45 months ago.
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thanks for the support. "i think your choice of not giving up the fight merely for money is very commendable. on the other hand, be prudent in this issue and consider other options in the case you will feel that your family or yourself are in danger. "
this is a genocide , in which a entire race of indian women are being killed. and someone has to start the fight, and perhaps endanger lives too, many lives were lost , when hitler was doing his genocide. i just hope that if anything happens to me, there will be other women to take over and continue the fight. we need to unite , if we want to stop the killing of women, and also if we want that our daughters should grow up in a safe place to live.
lets join our hands, and unite, and speak against the people who on paper have made the laws but are hesitant to use them, against the goverment who is seeing the daughters being killed ,and is silent on the issue.
we need to unite in person, and make community watch groups...
Originally posted 45 months ago.
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Mitu K edited this topic 45 months ago.
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i have tried my best to save this marriage. my husband threatened me in front of jugde on 1/10/08 that he is going to commit suicicde if i do not withdraw my complaint. also he told my uncle who was standing outside that i have spoilt his carreer by going to media, and and the regular stuff about ghar ki izzat.... and also that he is going to commit suicide, and in his suicide letter, he will implicate me and my family members in such a way that we all will remember.
the reasons why i had to go to media-
-- for my safety and my daughters safety
to bring this case to book, as anyone could see there was pressure from various sides and nothing was happening, everyone was trying to suppress the case
to encourage other women in my situation to come forward,
one step towards my aim -that whatever happened with me should not happen with my daughters.
my husband had threatened me that he is going to send me and family to jail for period of five years if i do not withdraw my cases against him... i do not know what he did when he used to visit us, niether i know on what basis he was threatening me that...
i just want a reform, i do not want any money... nothing... just that they realise thier mistake. i tried counselling, family mediation, everything, but it was failing.... i had no options but to file the case, and when even that was not happening to go the media...
Posted 44 months ago.
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why is it that thier is no issue of family izzat, when a womn is thrown out publically at 1 a.m in the night, when you abuse your wife in front of servants, and when you misbehave with your ife.
why is thier no issue of GHAR KI IZZAT when you publically accuse your daughter in law of having affairs(falsely) or when you call her a prostitute, why does this issue of GHar KI IZZAT always come up only if a woman refuses to take any more abuse, and decides to come in open. did the same people ever think about GHAR KI IZZAT when they used to misbehave with me and daughter.
why is the onus of GHAR KI IZZAT only over the daughter in law?????
Posted 44 months ago.
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there we go again with suicide threats... they look like 2 years old children. talking about suicides does look like being a pretty common way of settling disputes between families or even within a family. i can' t really stand this unique petty indian way of arguing.
Posted 44 months ago.
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"Ghar ki izzat" is a reference to this double standard of morality in India, and means "family honour". It usually allows men to do whatever, but for women it's a whole different story. Any time a woman tries to assert herself or fight for her rights -- she is accused of bringing dishonour to the family. That's what Mitu means. NO suicide threats here @zafassa !
Posted 44 months ago.
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Rita,
i was commenting Mitu's previous message and in particular the excerpt:
"... and also that he is going to commit suicide, and in his suicide letter, he will implicate me and my family members in such a way that we all will remember."
Posted 44 months ago.
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www.nonviolentchoice.blogspot.com/
Posted 44 months ago.
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Posted 44 months ago.
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Sad that a country that talks so much of the female godesses blatantly and cruelly snuff out the lives of the unborn female. You have displayed extreme courage but honestly , what were your parents doing during the time you were getting abused and the time when youir 4 month old was pushed down the stairs. Why were they silent ? why did they not file a case of harrassment . And believe me , most of our so called educated indian males lack basic self respect - they want money from in laws , jobs and you can name it. so what your husband did , aided and abetted by his parents is no big deal. If parents were to demonstrate that they would stand by their daughters and fight injustice , this situation would have been better for women in distress.
Posted 43 months ago.
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It is heart rending to read accounts like these. What i'd say is, Mitu, you're an educated woman with a job that can support you and your daughters in comfort. India's no more a third world country. yes, there are people here who still live in the dark ages. there are many others who are liberal in their thinking. you have the right to lead your life the way you want it and you have a commitment to your daughters to give them the best life you can manage. Suicide is never the answer. Take it from a guy who's tried it on 3 different occasions! there will be many who'd ridicule you but there would be many others who'd support you too. I come from Cochin in Kerala. yes, things are changing here but not people's mentality. i'm divorced and that is considered a social stigma in here. i still am positive that i can survive and i'm no less a human because of the divorce. you're a strong woman to have survived so far and i'm sure you can continue doing so. Use every possible means to fight for your right. your in- laws need to be put in their place.
Posted 43 months ago.
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Ghar ki izzat should work both ways! some men still live in the dark ages! they talk about women being equal. yes! that's all it is! just talk! when are we going to put that in practice. many forget, while they kill their unborn daughters that they'd not be here if it were not for a woman!
it's appalling to see people marrying for personal gains!
your parents could have been more supportive. you are their daughter and they should stand by you, Mitu.
True honor is in respecting yourself and doing what is right for you.
Posted 43 months ago.
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thanks, but it is my husband who is threatening suicide if i press charges againsthim. i know i have to live and fight if only for my daughters.
Posted 43 months ago.
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I'm very sure he won't carry out his threat. Even if he does, it is his loss! you have to fight, not just for your daughters but for yourself.
Don't get taken in by his threats. they are just empty promises. if he threatens again, tell him not to give you false hopes.
i know jokes are not what you'd like now, but this happened with my neighbor. my neighbor's son threatened to commit suicide and his mother went inside and fetched him a rope and said, 'please don't delay! shubh kaam mein deri kis baat ki!' well, jokes aside it is the logic that you should look at. she knew his threat was a vain threat and proved exactly that to him. your husband will never keep his promise of killing himself. you have to be strong and not give in to empty threats like these, or do what my neighbor did.
Posted 43 months ago.
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i have taken the case to the court after giving notice of 15 days to the district appropriate authority
Posted 43 months ago.
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@ It's blackmail! Remember when Hitler was cornered he committed suicide. Violence is always the weapon of cowards.
Posted 43 months ago.
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.I just wish to know from you all who are sitting at home and discussing things on net .Will this ever bring about any change.We all sit and discuss the problem but has anyone of you here taken any initiative to educate the masses on this issue.Lot of time is spent on revolving around and harping about the problem but when it comes to concrete action.It is hard to find volunteers.
How many of you will volunteer to be a part of the group that can go around in cities and villages and wake up people against this social menace of female feticide and gender inequality.Things cannot change by sitting in our homes and discussing my dear friends....
Posted 43 months ago.
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@ I think discussions are important particularly among the educated sections of India, because the educated middle class, in any country plays a crucial role in change of a nation's policies and policy implementations.
The discussions are necessary in that:
1) people need to have adequate information on what the issue/ issues at hand are. Just do a random survey and you'll be amazed how many regular people, even in India don't know the seriousness of the issues at hand and the degree to which they impact on us collectively as a nation.
2) the causes can be examined. Many people don't understand why these issues exist
3) An effective cause of action can be determined. What can and cannot work? What has not worked so far (for there have been many grassroots, local efforts, but the gender ratio keeps declining!)? And these things we can know for sure only when we've figured out what causes it.
So for eg. the immediate assumption is the low ratio of females in a region is owing to ignorance or illiteracy. But many don't know that the highest rates of female feticide are among the wealthiest sections of India. These people are well educated. And it is not like they don't know right from wrong. What kind of education would help here? We can go into these neighborhoods and preach all we like. Would that make a difference to their practice? By the same logic -- we can go into the villages and educate the illiterate people there. But we already know that literacy and education is not preventive from harboring a prejudice against girl children. So what do we do?
What is required is for us is to talk, talk , talk -- to discuss with everyone we know -- to make this an issue of national concern.
The reason this happens is because of a cultural propensity to sideline, to ignore, and to avoid talking about these issues loudly, publicly, openly.
However -- we do have plans afoot for a form of 'public re-education' :) We are laying down a proper, comprehensive plan for a systematic study and implementation of workshops that will engage the public in gender discourse. It'll be based on what we think is at the root of India's gender crises: a psychological analysis of how the Indian mind thinks about gender.
Originally posted 43 months ago.
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rita banerji (a group admin) edited this topic 43 months ago.
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this forum is an eye opener of sorts.
well, what might seem like rambling is actually reaching out to many.
and yes some of us actually work towards creating an awareness in the society. as of now, it may be small but the effects can be seen.
Posted 43 months ago.
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any effort to create an awareness needn't be huge, Flamboyant ones, with a lot of hoola in terms of publicity. consider it a success if you can make a difference in one person's life.
something we, as humans, have forgotten is to be kind to one another. we look at people with distrust. Yes, many would say, that's the outcome of how the society has evolved. can't we try and make a difference? can't we be the first people in our society to take the initiative? a smile at a stranger maybe misinterpreted on many occasions, there'll be quite a few when the stranger will return the smile. see how good that makes your day!
I'm just citing a small example to say how, even the smallest act of courtesy can matter.
Posted 43 months ago.
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ciaraleeming [deleted] says:
I saw this on the website of the Observer yesterday - a big UK Sunday newspaper. It mentions Mitu's story at the end...
www.guardian.co.uk/world/audioslideshow/2008/nov/23/india...
the story itself is here
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/23/india-gender
Originally posted 43 months ago.
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ciaraleeming edited this topic 43 months ago.
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now that the cases are in court kindly keep me in your prayers.
Posted 42 months ago.
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Of course -- we are all with you! This is our fight too.
Posted 42 months ago.
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November 25, 2009
HERE IS AN UPDATE ON MITU'S CASE:
In October 2009, Mitu finally was able to move court, and get the authorities at the Jaipur Golden hospital summoned to respond to the PNDT Act. This is the hospital that had illegally revealed to Mitu's husband and in-laws the gender of the twins she was carrying after doing an ultrasound on her for a different problem altogether.
However, last week Mitu's husband in an effort to pressurize her to revoke her statement and case, filed for the custody of their twin girls. Mitu approached NDTV 24X7 and the covered the case during their prime time newscast.
However, there has been no move afoot by the courts to get Mitu's husband to revoke his child custody papers. Mitu is very fearful for the safety of her daughters, because she does not trust the judgment or inclination of the court. So if there is anyone in Delhi who can be of help to her please leave her a message here. Or contact us at 50millionmissing@gmail.com
Posted 30 months ago.
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please visit the web page designed by Mrs Barbra , in her endeavour to help me - www.mitukhurana.wordpress.com. i need your support in my fight against female foeticide
Posted 30 months ago.
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07 April 2010
Hello Everyone,
It has been almost 3 years that Mitu has been fighting the PNDT case now. The police and courts, as well as government offices has shown no inclination to actually take her complaint seriously. They just want her to shut up and go away so they kept her running in circles.
Then the courts declared that there was no evidence against the hospital or her husband for any kind of violation. The hospital could not provide the F-form which is the form of consent that the expectant mother has to sign if she is put through an ultrasound. Mitu signed no such form. However, despite this missing F-form the courts said that the hospital and therefore her husband were in the clear. Moreover, Mitu's own testimony counts for nothing. In other words, no woman being forced to undergo ultrasound by her husband and in-laws and forced to abort their girl fetuses would dare bring up charges. The courts are making sure of that with the way they handle Mitu's case!
Mitu has persisted. However, recently the courts have put the pressure on her children and aging father too. The judge (a female!) abuses her father in open court -- insults his caliber as a doctor. And she has forced Mitu to bring her two little 4 year old to court for EVERY HEARING so they can meet the father. The judge says, Mitu is being selfish in not allowing the girls to have their father! Mitu protested -- how can she take the girls out of school every 4 -5 days, and the judge said -- she does not care!!!
Originally posted 26 months ago.
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rita banerji (a group admin) edited this topic 26 months ago.
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Here are Mitu's latest correspondence regarding her case:
www.flickr.com/groups/50_million_missing/discuss/72157623...
Posted 26 months ago.
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Mitu has done the impossible. She is the first person to be able to file under the PNDT law -- cases against the hospital, her inlaws and husband. And for that she is in the Limca World Records! This was an impossible fight and many have tried but failed to file this case with the Indian government that remains impervious to its own law! For that she deserves a standing ovation!
www.flickr.com/photos/50mmvolunteer1/4795754522/
Originally posted 23 months ago.
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50 MM Volunteer edited this topic 23 months ago.
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excellent. this doesn't mean that she has won the case, right?
Posted 22 months ago.
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Dear Mitu, Go on legal fighting, I am also fighting for my daughter Anshu's dowry case at District level, High court level and now in Supreme Court. I know that there is much difference in advices and practicals, but still you believe in God and go on fighting without any worry. All group is with you, I am also fully with you in case you need any type of help from me.
God Bless You
G.Singh.
Posted 22 months ago.
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It is very difficult for Europeans to understand the Indian system of repression on women. Where does it take it's roots !
How is it that even educated women fall in this trap !?
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Take care Mitu you deserve to win your cause. Good luck
Posted 21 months ago.
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@ Zafasas -- No, as of right now Mitu's victory is in that she was able to file a PC&PNDT case! The first woman to be able to file. They manage to frighten away most women and harass them so much they withdraw the case. So Mitu has been very strong to be able to even file this case.
@ Mr. Singh -- Thank you for your very kind support and words of encouragement, even as you fight for justice to be done to your daughter. We are with you -- that goes without saying. Here is the link to Anshu's case www.flickr.com/groups/50_million_missing/discuss/72157623...
@carmitage -- It is based in religion, history and the rigid adherence to traditions and customs. It is what prevents people from taking responsibility for their individual actions with a sense of personal conscience and morality.
Posted 21 months ago.
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I don't, know this time what is going on in Mitu's case because I had not read the current topics but I can say with confidence that Neither our laws are so weak nor Mitu's so weak, and she has enough strength within herself that she can feed her childs to grow-up, can provide education to stand them on their on foot, at that time she would really feel that she has won the battle, the husband is not the only important to a women, but the values and sacrifices which takes you to a high position in the site of a common average citizen. So don't provide unnecessary suggestions to weak Mitu. I myself is the worst affected father of a deceased and fighting to a Inspector (CB-CID), he is doing more and more enough tortures and threats to me and my family, I didn't care for it and go on what was my duty to get all the culprits behind the bar, no body can give me my daughter back. You will not believe, but Rita Je, knows enough about my case because every time, I am taking the advices of Rita je, whenever i feels awkward situations but I never put even a single step to go-away from the situation. After all the God is their, he (Almighty God) is seeing the individual on this earth, I will let it happen to send all the accused including resourceful Inspector Mr. Pramod Kumar Jain, SO - Kerakat, Jaunpur, Benaras after rigorous fight of 8 months. I am feeling little free at the moment and I request Mitu not to feel and go in negative thoughts, if you are not in good state of any circumstances and feels weak, you are free to tell me. My email addresses and all details are in Dowry Death Case on this website of hon'ble Rita Je.
Posted 20 months ago.
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Thanks For all your support ,I have come and checked this site after many months . I am over whelmed. Also Dearest Rita and my dear collegues have started online petitions to help me with the case. I request you all to not only sign the petition, but also help me form email chains so that maximum no of people can sign the petition, and the harrassment which I am now facing from Judiciary and authorities comes to an end ...
here are the links. Looking forward for your continued support. Thanks a Lot.
1. genderbytes.wordpress.com/2010/10/02/help-mitu-protect-he...
Originally posted 20 months ago.
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50MM Administrator (a group admin) edited this topic 18 months ago.
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This case and link have been closed. For further information contact the administrative team at 50millionmissing@gmail.com.
Originally posted 18 months ago.
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50MM Administrator (a group admin) edited this topic 18 months ago.
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50 MILLION MISSING: A CAMPAIGN TO END INDIA'S FEMALE GENDERCIDE /
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